Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Bad Dream

I had a dream last night that I was in the hospital and had just delivered twins. K & J hadn't been able to make it to the hospital on time, but they were on their way. The nurse handed me the babies and started to leave the room, but I told her that the babies weren't mine, and she had to take them to the nursery until their parents got here, and she laughed and said "no honey, those are your babies, you have to take care of them!" and left the room.

The babies were crying and hungry and then they both pooped at the same time. I pressed the call button and told the nurse that the babies were hungry and she replied "well breastfeed them, mommy!" and I just kept saying "these are not my babies!" I was crying and kept dialing K's number on my cell phone but she wouldn't answer. I tried to get out of the bed, but I had a baby in each arm and I was sore and couldn't maneuver, and kept thinking I was going to drop one.

I woke up drenched in sweat and I had tears streaming down my face. What a terrible nightmare! I still get kind of shaky just thinking about it, haha.

Must. Pee. On. Stick.

I'm 3dp5dt, and I have an incredible urge to POAS. I know it's too early, I know it will be negative, and I know I will get discouraged. But in the back of my mind I keep thinking "what if it's positive..." If it WERE positive, I'd be carrying a litter. I'm going to try my best to wait until tomorrow afternoon.

I'm driving myself crazy, too. My brain is tricking me into thinking everything that happens with my body *might* mean I'm pregnant.
My back has been hurting- I must be pregnant!
My boobs are sore today- I must be pregnant!
I've been craving water all day- I must be pregnant!
I'm so tired I can barely hold my eyes open- I am definitely pregnant!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

In the 2ww Now!

The transfer went great yesterday! We got to the RE's office a little early & when they called me back, K & my friend Nina came in with me. K & I held hands and when the embryologist brought the embryos in we all started to cry a little. I had to lay in the office for 30 minutes after the transfer, so J & Little K came in the room and we all hung out until I could get up. When we left, J drove through McDonald's and got some french fries and we all ate some for good luck!

When we got back to the hotel, we ordered dinner from Cheddars. I had a steak, and it was delicious! J, K & Little K came to my hotel room and brought balloons, a Nestle Tollhouse cookie cake with a Longhorn in orange icing on it, haha! They brought presents, too! A Coach wallet, an awesome pink camo down vest, and a Lonestar gift card :) I have the best IP's ever!

I'm feeling good about the transfer, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it worked. I'm going to try my very best to not POAS until Friday afternoon, but we'll see...

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Transfer Eve

Our transfer is tomorrow! It's finally here! I'm going to get to bed early tonight so I'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning (ha!) I'm going to pick up Nina about 10 and then we're heading to the Big D! Lunch at Joe's Crab Shack, shopping at Sam Moon, then we'll meet K & J at the hotel. K, Nina & I will go to the transfer and leave J & Little K at the hotel pool while we go get knocked up :) Then I get to lay in bed all evening and no one will say I'm lazy, haha!

Well, the next time I post I will be with child! Think happy thoughts & wish us luck!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Overwhelmed With Emotion

I can't sleep. It's almost 2:00 am, and my mind is racing. I'm excited about the transfer on Monday, but nervous, too. I hope it works. I hope one of the embryos sticks & everything goes smoothly. I just hope most of all that the transfer either works, or it doesn't. It would be heartbreaking to get that positive pregnancy test, and then miscarry. Even worse to see a heartbeat & then miscarry.

When I think about the actual transfer, I get overwhelmed with emotion. I feel so special that K&J have chosen me to carry their child, and that they're trusting me with this huge, amazing task. I feel honored. I feel important. When I get up every morning, I won't just be doing the same old stuff, I'll be helping to grow a family. I feel like surrogacy is something that I was meant to do, and I'm so thrilled that it's finally happening.

I hope that makes sense. It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling, but that's the best I could do. Let's also not forget that I have an insanely high amount of estrogen running through my body right now, and there is excess emotion behind everything, lol. I should get some sleep before I make myself crazy (crazier).

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Green Light!

My bloodwork came back today and we got the green light to transfer on Monday! My estrogen level was 1,744!!! This explains why I cry every time the preview for Dear John comes on TV, and the hellacious nausea I've been having.

I start meds today, so the IVF coordinator went over the instructions with me again on how and when to take each med, and I just took my first prometrium, methylprednisone, and doxycycline. I continue the Vivelle patches, but get to ditch the estradiol- yay! And tonight I will start crinone at bedtime.

Our transfer will be Monday at 4:45pm :)

Monday, January 18, 2010


I had a lining check this morning and it was 8.6mm!! Woohoo! I called our IVF coordinator and let her know, and she said that as soon as she got my bloodwork in, she'd call me & let me know what to do. She did say that we will definitely be able to do a Jan. 25 transfer, yay!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Well Crap!

I went in today for my lining check, and my lining was only 5.8mm thick. It needed to be atleast 7mm in order for us to be able to transfer on the 18th. So they're tweaking my meds a little bit (more estrogen, whoopee!) and we're going to check again on the 20th. If my lining if at 7mm or better that day, then I should be able to start meds that day and we will be able to transfer on January 25th- which also happens to be my birthday. So that would be really neat if we could transfer that day!

Fingers crossed that the extra estrogen does something besides make me crazy.