It's Baby Bakin', and I helped!

Pictures!

2010-12-13T22:17:00.002-06:00

Taryn, one day old

Look at those eyes! She was an hour-ish old here.

Me holding Taryn for the first time. I'd just come back from surgery.

Little K meeting Taryn for the first time, with her grandparents looking on.

Welcome to the world!

Birth Story

2010-12-10T17:47:00.004-06:00

K & J met us in the lobby of the hotel at 4:50 am, and neither them or myself slept very well. We drove the few blocks over to the hospital and went up to labor & delivery. J was so excited, he was practically skipping, lol. Got the IV started, and pit started at 5:55 am. My amazing friend/ doula LaDonna got to the hospital around 5:45 am. We all just hung out, talking, laughing.. it was very relaxed. I started contracting once the pit got to level 8, around 7:30 I'd say. I moved around a bit and got on the birthing ball which really helped the pain, unfortunately it seemed to make my contractions nearly stop. I decided to get back into bed and then the contractions really started to set in, and hurt. I asked the nurse where the anesthesiologist was (or "The Epidural Man" as I called him) and she said he was there, and they were going in for a c-section and then he was going home unless I wanted my epidural first. Once home, it would take him 20-30 minutes to get to me once I requested him, and I really didn't wanna let the poor guy get home only to be called right back, so I went ahead and got my epidural. He came just in time too, because I was really starting to hurt! Everyone left the room except LaDonna, who stayed with me and held my hand through the whole thing. It was surprisingly fast, he was a great Epidural Man!

Once the epidural was in, I immediately felt better. I was so tired, since I didn't sleep at all Monday night, and I kept trying to nap but it was so hard to fall asleep. My OB came in and broke my water around 10:30. She thought there was a little bit of meconium but it was very light. They prepped for extra suction just in case. Around noon I was 5cm and 70% effaced, and at 2pm I was 7cm and 90% effaced. I started to get nauseous and got the shakes around this time too. My nurse gave me some zofran in my IV and it passed pretty quickly. My mom got to the hospital around this time & came in and hung out with us. K's mom and dad, J's mom, and Little K were all also there, going back and forth between my room and K & J's room next door. I started to feel some pressure so the nurse checked me again, and I was 8 1/2cm. Baby was still high so they had me sit up more in bed to help her come down. At 3:00 I only had a little bit of an anterior lip left, but she was still high. They let me labor down for about 15 minutes and then called for my OB.

I had LaDonna at my left side, with K just beside her at my head, and J behind her, behind my head. Chris was at my right side with K's camera on & ready. My OB got ready and they broke the bed down and everyone was in position just waiting for a contraction. I felt very weird in that moment, it was like everyone was waiting for me to do something.... and I wasn't doing anything. I got really emotional knowing that everything was coming to an end, but I managed to keep it together. I just couldn't open my eyes and look at anyone or else I knew I'd lose it! I had a contraction and started to push, and I just knew I was doing it wrong. It didn't feel right & I felt like I was about to push my eyeballs out. It took a few pushes for me to get in the groove and remember how to push. I didn't make a sound, and everyone was very quiet except for my OB who would tell me to take a breath & push again, and then give me feedback on how I was doing.

After a few minutes of pushing and feeling like I wasn't getting her anywhere, I got a little frustrated. I finally got focused and gave a few good pushes. I opened my eyes for a second and looked at my OB, who was looking up at K smiling. I started to get a little emotional, and then LaDonna says "she's got hair!!" and I just completely lost it. I don't really know why, I just started bawling, which made K start crying, which started a chain reaction and before you knew it everyone was crying except for Chris and J, who thought all of us women were nuts I'm sure! I don't know who it was, but someone asked me why I was crying and I just started laughing and said I had no idea! I think I was just overwhelmed, I knew everything was coming to an end, and the moment I'd been waiting for- and K & J had been waiting for for 9 months was finally about to happen.

I got refocused and pushed a few more times. I knew she was getting close and that made me push harder. Finally my OB said that her head was out, so I stopped and they suctioned her mouth a little bit. I gave one last little push and there she was! The cord was wrapped around her neck once, and my OB took it off and suctioned her mouth a little more, and put her on my chest. She started screaming immediately. I looked up at my IP's and the looks on their faces made every single minute totally worth it! The nurse was cleaning her off a little bit and I looked down at Taryn and she lifted her head back looked up at me with her big beautiful blue eyes. It was such an amazing moment! They clamped the cord and J got to cut it. I wrapped her up in the blanket and handed her to K, and she was just sobbing and smiling. J, with tears streaming down his face, leaned over and put his hand on my head, and kissed my forehead and cheeks, and said 'thank you' over and over again. I reached my hand up and patted his head, and I was crying and laughing at the same time. It was a very surreal moment. Taryn was finally here! She was born at 3:41 pm.

K & J walked over to the warmer with Taryn so they could do their thing over there, and I made Chris follow them and take pictures. I looked down at my OB and she had huge tears rolling down her cheeks. It was then that I looked around the room and saw that every single person in there was crying. My OB, the nurses, LaDonna, even Chris had a couple tears. I was watching across the room as they were cleaning Taryn off & weighing her, and she was just screaming her little head off the whole time. She was kicking and punching the air and I had to laugh because it was so funny to see her doing what I'd been feeling her do for the last few months. I kept saying how tiny she was, I was shocked! I really expected her to be bigger. She weighed in at 6 lbs 10 oz, and 20 inches long.

My OB was having trouble delivering the placenta, and could only get it to come out in pieces. It just wouldn't detach, and my OB said we needed to do a D&C. They had an OR ready for me already since I was having my tubes tied immediately after the birth, so she got cleaned up and off we went. I hugged LaDonna & thanked her for being there for me, and instructed Chris to follow K & J and take a million pictures, and off we went to the OR. The procedures were easy, and I actually ended up falling asleep a little while into it. They left my epidural in so I didn't have to go under general anesthesia. It took a little longer than I expected, and I was so ready to get back up to my room & see everyone. I got back up to my room around 6pm, and everyone came back in and I got to hold Taryn for the first time. It was so neat to finally hold her, she was so tiny and cute. She looked just like Little K. I couldn't believe how much dark hair she had, I just knew she'd be bald or have blonde hair like Little K. I looked at her little tiny hands and pulled out one of her little tiny feet. I love baby feet, they're my favorite! Her toes were so tiny, not even as big as Tic Tac's, lol. I felt such a huge feeling of accomplishment. I'd done my job, I'd gotten this little girl into this world safe & sound, and she was healthy. My job was done!

I'm so glad that I decided to be a surrogate. Every single day of morning sickness, heartburn, backaches, rib pain and exhaustion was SO worth it. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat! I'm so glad that K & J trusted me to carry their daughter, I feel very honored. They have been nothing but amazing. They & their families welcomed my family into their lives & were always so sweet to us. The whole experience was awesome, and I got just as much joy out of it as they did. My life is forever changed because of them, and Baby Taryn.

Close, but no cigar

2010-12-05T12:31:00.002-06:00

Well, I really thought that yesterday was going to be the day, but no such luck! I started having contractions on Friday around 5pm, they started out slow but by 7 or 8pm, they were coming every 13-16 minutes. I started getting a little excited, thinking maybe this was it, but 2 hours later they weren't getting any closer. Then they got further apart, every 20-30 minutes. I went to bed and was woken up a few times by contractions, but they were still far apart. I contracted all day yesterday, anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes apart. Finally around 11pm, they stopped. I had one when I got out of bed this morning, but not another one since.

As frustrated as I am, I'm glad I get to enjoy my Sunday without contractions.

We're Having a Baby!

2010-11-30T20:49:00.002-06:00

Well, Little Miss T has a birth date planned- December 7th, 2010! Unless of course she decides to come out on her own free will before then, that is.

The plan is to go in on Monday for one last OB appointment & make sure everything is still looking good, then report to labor & delivery at 5 a.m. (yikes!) to start the induction. I figure we'll have a baby somewhere around noon. Then I get to roll on over to the operating room & get my tubes tied, cut, burnt & sealed off! Yay!

At my appointment today my cervix was dilated a little bit more, and the baby is lower in my pelvis. My OB said she thinks I am very favorable for an induction & that it should go smoothly. *fingers crossed* I am just a tad bit nervous about being induced, but after weighing all the options & analyzing it to death, I think it really is the best option for everyone.

It's so weird to know that one week from now, this whole thing will be over & Baby T will here. It's been a fun ride, but I am more than ready to hand this little girl over to her parents.

Recent belly pictures

2010-11-29T19:29:00.002-06:00

Here are a couple of recent belly pictures. The first one, 36 wks 3 days.

And 37wks 4 days.

37 Week Update

2010-11-24T22:25:00.002-06:00

We had our 37 week appointment on the 23rd. I am now 2cm and 50% effaced, so my body is getting it together and doing exactly what it should be, woohoo! I've had a lot of contractions in the last week, so I'm glad they're actually doing something for me.

I had contractions last night for a couple of hours, and again tonight for about an hour, but they went away. I don't think I'll be going into actual labor anytime real soon though. If my cervix is continuing to change and look favorable, we'll be bringing up the topic of induction at our 39 week appointment on Dec. 6th. I'm hoping we can go to our appointment and she'll just send us right on up to L&D to get the show on the road. But we shall see! I don't want to go in for an induction with an unfavorable cervix, so it's all going to depend on what's going on at these next two appointments.

Appointment Update

2010-11-17T22:05:00.002-06:00

We had our appointment yesterday. I'm 1cm dilated and a little bit effaced, so it looks like Baby T is hanging out a couple more weeks. We have another appointment on the 23rd, maybe more will be going on then.

I'm DONE!

2010-11-14T21:51:00.003-06:00

Ok, I'm done. I give up! Everything hurts, I can't sleep, I'm breathing fire and this baby is trying to claw her way out. I'm ready for Baby T to be born anytime she feels she's ready. Well, she still needs about 10 more days in there to make it to "term". So in 10 days, I'm posting an eviction notice. She will have approximately 20 days to vacate the premises or she will be forcibly removed.

I forgot to mention on my last update, but we had an ultrasound done at our last appointment on Nov. 4. At 34wks 1 day, she measured 5lbs 2oz. And her head measured 36wks. Yikes!

Almost my turn

2010-11-08T23:22:00.002-06:00

Well, the girls in my cycling group are starting to deliver. One of the girls & I transferred the same day so we had the same due date, only she was pregnant with twins. She delivered this evening! I'm so excited for her but at the same time it's really sinking in that it's going to be my turn before long. A week ago I wasn't ready, but I'm getting there.

My back is killing me. Mostly my lower back, because my belly is really pulling on it, but my upper back and hips hurt more often than not. It's hard to sleep at night, I wake up every hour or so because I'm either uncomfortable and need to roll over, or I have to pee. And these Braxton Hicks contractions are really annoying! We were walking around Target the other night and I was having them every 10 minutes so we hurried up and got out of there, and as soon as I sat in the car they stopped. Whew. But annoying nonetheless. I feel bad complaining, I know K would trade places with me in a heartbeat.

The good news is that being uncomfortable is making it much easier for me to look forward to delivery, haha! As much as I'm not looking forward to getting that epidural placed (that huge needle makes me woozy) I think I'd really like to have it now. I'd probably sleep better!

We have another appointment on the 18th, and I'll be 36 weeks! My mom is coming to my appointment with me so she finally gets to meet K&J :)

Getting Closer....

2010-11-03T01:03:00.002-05:00

I was just going over my calendar & looking at what days I can schedule our next appointments for. We're going on the 4th, then we have to go back in two weeks so that would be the 18th. Then since I'll be 36 weeks, I'll have to come back a week later, except that's Thanksgiving day. I don't want to go any sooner than 7 days, and I sure don't want to go in on Black Friday, so I think waiting 10 days between appointments and going on Monday the 29th would be best. I clicked ahead into December and realized that the next Monday is the 6th, the day we'll most likely induce if I haven't gone into labor yet.

And then I almost threw up. I only have 3 appointments left before I deliver! Ohmygosh I'm not ready! A human is going to exit my body in a few short weeks, one way or another, and either way is going to hurt. Crap. Can I just stay pregnant forever???

Time for a game!

2010-10-29T13:36:00.000-05:00

Guess when Baby Taryn will be here!!

http://www.expectnet.com/games/Baby_Taryn

Long overdue update!

2010-10-25T21:55:00.003-05:00

Ack! I haven't updated in forever, sorry! I've meant to post an update several times over the last 3 weeks but haven't gotten around to it. Whoops! Let's see, what have we been up to...

We had our first false alarm trip to labor & delivery last week- how fun! Not really. I was having some low back pain that just didn't feel "right" and was contracting every 10-15 minutes so I called my OB said to come in. On the way there, the contractions spaced out and stopped. Of course! So I went on up anyway and they monitored me for an hour and then let me go. Taryn was not impressed by the monitors, and she kicked them the whole time, which made for a very uncomfortable hour for me. I had an OB appointment the next day, so Chris and I just stayed the night at a hotel near the hospital. My OB checked me at my appointment and my cervix is 1cm and soft, but still long. She doesn't really think the contractions caused the dilation/softening, she thinks it's likely just because I've had two babies already. Oh, and I'd lost a pound at my weigh-in, so yay for that.

Last weekend, K and I had our birthing class! We met the day before and went for pedicures- which resulted in lots of laughs, and then went shopping, and out to eat at Olive Garden. We had birthing class the next day, all day long. It was kind of boring, and I was really hoping they'd focus more on breathing techniques, but mostly we just learned about the scary things. Epidurals, c-secions and episiotomies- OH MY! They passed around an epidural needle so we could see, and I thought I was going to pass out. That thing is as big around as my arm. I do NOT need to see that, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, it was interesting and we got another tour of the labor and delivery unit which was worth it.

This weekend was K & J's baby shower, which was unlike any baby shower that I've ever been to, but it was fun! Before the shower we had a 4D ultrasound, too. It was just as neat as it was scary. This girl has some big shoulders- and even bigger cheeks! I'm afraid she's going to come out like a linebacker. So even though I've lost a pound, it clearly has not affected her. I've thought all along that she might be the smallest baby I've carried, but now I'm thinking it may be just the opposite! And man, is she stubborn! She wouldn't move her hands or turn her face so we could get a clear shot of her face, she'd only give us the side, and only for a few seconds. The tech had me moving from side to side, drinking orange juice, sitting up and crowding her so she'd have to move- but she still wouldn't cooperate. If she's this stubborn IN the womb, I can't imagine how stubborn she'd going to be once she's OUT!

I think that's all of the exciting news I have to share. Our next appointment is Nov. 4th, then we'll have another 2 weeks after that, and then the appointments will be every week! I can't believe I'm 33 weeks already, it blows my mind. I'm really going to enjoy having my body back to myself, as I feel somewhat like I've been taken hostage, but I'm going to miss being pregnant. I'm just going to enjoy the last few weeks as much as I can- but between the constant peeing, the heartburn, acid reflux, and the sore ribs, I'm not sure how much enjoyment I'm going to get, ha!

And of course, a belly picture! 32 weeks (Major snuck in at the last second)

71 Days Left

2010-10-04T21:15:00.002-05:00

Oh my! Only 71 days or less before Miss T makes her entrance into the world.

I was reading in "What to Expect" about the 30th week. It said that this week, I should notice the baby sleeping more. I laughed out loud. This baby did NOT get that memo. She is awake and kicking, punching, jabbing and rolling all the time, it seems like. As I sit here and type this, I am being head-butted in the bladder, I have a rump in my ribs, and a foot trying to come out of my belly button. My belly moves and shakes all over! The other night, I felt her start to shift positions and I looked down just in time to see what looked like her behind moving from the left side of my belly to the right side. She gets really rowdy when I lay down in bed for the night. Or for a nap. It's nearly impossible to fall asleep when a tiny human is river dancing on your internal organs, just FYI.

I'm enjoying the last few weeks I have with T, though. I know that after I deliver, I'll miss being kicked and punched when I'm trying to go to sleep. Well, it will probably take a few weeks for me to start missing that, haha. I'm getting anxious about the delivery, I hope everything goes smoothly and somewhat according to plan. We have another appointment tomorrow with my OB and I've got a list of questions to ask her. Hope she's ready!

29 Weeks

2010-09-29T21:53:00.004-05:00

The Belly:

Chris snapped this picture the other night when I was using my belly to rest my plate of brownies on.

Passed!

2010-09-23T09:39:00.002-05:00

I passed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test! Yaaaaaay! I can go back to eating everything this little girl tells me to, ha!

Hello, Third Trimester!

2010-09-22T00:18:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it! We're two-thirds of the way there! According to my "What To Expect" app, The Princess weighs about 2 and a half pounds, and is about 15 inches long from head to toe.

Our appointments are every 2 weeks now! Everything was looking great at the last appointment, I've gained five pounds total and my belly was measuring a week ahead! I had to take my glucose tolerance test, which I failed. I took the 3 hour test on Monday, and should have results from that tomorrow. We are all crossing our fingers that I pass, because if not, that means no more cheese fries, ice cream, and chocolate. And we just simply cannot have that.

K's friends and sister are going to be throwing her two baby showers in the coming month or two, and K has invited me to both. I am honored and overjoyed that she wants me present at her showers. I feel so lucky to have such an amazing IM! (And amazing IF, too!)

26 Weeks!

2010-09-07T22:15:00.002-05:00

We're 26 weeks! Well, in about 90 minutes, anyway. Everything is still going great! T kicks a lot, mostly my ribs, and she seems to really enjoy kicking when I'm trying to sleep. My ribs are getting sore, but not unbearable yet. I've realized this week that I'm getting to that point in my pregnancy where I can't seem to get comfortable, and this results in really crappy sleep. I've been waking up quite a bit at night to either change positions or get up to pee (again. and again.) and it takes me a good 15 minutes to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep. And the heartburn, ohmygoshy'all. They say if you have heartburn, you'll have a hairy baby. If this is true, T is going to look like Chewbacca. I've pretty much run through every over the counter medication, so I'm starting back at square one with Tums & Zantac. So far, it's not working.

But I'm not complaining! I know K would give her right arm to be peeing every 5 minutes and burping acid, so I am not going to complain. I try to keep K & J updated on the little things, like T kicking a lot of what I'm craving these days (pasta, cheese fries, chocolate milk- just FYI) because I don't want them to miss anything. It won't be long until they'll be sending ME updates- haha!

Here's a picture of me at 25 weeks. Even laying down, my belly looks big! And as my mom so kindly pointed out, it's bigger than my head :)

Viability!

2010-08-25T23:34:00.003-05:00

Today we're 24 weeks, which means that if Little Miss T were to be born right now, the chances are good that she'd survive outside of the womb. Of course, she better not even THINK about being born for at least another 12 or 14 weeks!

Where has the time gone?

2010-08-13T00:27:00.003-05:00

We are 22 weeks already! I can't get over how fast this pregnancy is going. The days and weeks are just flying by! I feel bad for not updating more, but it's just so boring right now. I can't wait until we're about 36-37 weeks and things start to get exciting!

Little Miss T is kicking like crazy these days. She's found my ribs, and my bladder, and has been practicing her kick boxing. She plays games with me, too. She will kick and kick, until someone puts their hand on my belly to feel, then she stops. As soon as they take their hand off, she kicks again. I'm sure she's in there just laughing at us, haha.

It's already time to sign up for childbirth class, and K is going with me to be my birth partner. I'll have a doula (The Fabulous LaDonna) but it'll be fun to do birthing class with K. We're just doing a "weekend express" class, which will be from 9-5 on a Saturday in October. I can't wait!

Here some a couple of new pictures from the last two weeks.

22 weeks!

21 weeks- the view from above-

20 weeks!!

2010-07-30T00:19:00.003-05:00

We're halfway there!! Oh my gosh! I can't believe that in 20 short weeks, Little Miss T will be in her mommy & daddy's arms.

I've been having some pain in my kidneys and after whining about it for 2 days, I finally went into see the doctor. It looks like I have a kidney infection, so I got a shot of antibiotics and hopefully I'll be all better shortly. The doctor wanted to get a quick peek at Miss T to make sure everything was ok, and she's doing great! Moving around like crazy, and she let us get some great shots of her beautiful little face!

The belly at 20 weeks:

And Little Miss T, 20 weeks & 1 day.

OB Appointment Today

2010-07-23T00:21:00.002-05:00

We had our 19 week appointment today. Blood pressure was 112/56 (lowest it's been since I was 17, ha!), I lost a pound since the last appointment (double ha!), and the baby's heart rate was 154. The ultrasound report said that Little Miss T looks perfect, and they even noted how active she was! Everything is right on target, and it was really a pretty standard, boring appointment. I got another prescription for Zofran, since I am still having morning sickness, ugh. We go back in 4 weeks!

It's DEFINITELY a Girl!

2010-07-13T23:19:00.002-05:00

Yaaaaay! It's official, we're growing a little Princess :) Our ultrasound was Monday afternoon, and she really put on a show for us, she was moving all over the place like crazy. She's measuring perfect- 2 days ahead actually, and all of her little bones and organs appear to be the right size and in the right place. K & J got some great pictures to take home, too.

17 weeks!

2010-07-06T22:22:00.003-05:00

We'll be 17 weeks tomorrow, I can hardly believe it! This pregnancy seems to be whizzing by. Our big ultrasound is on Monday, and we're touring the other hospital beforehand. I'm ready to see how big this girl has gotten, and make sure she's still a girl, ha!

We went up to visit with K&J this weekend and had a great time. We got in on Saturday evening and went out for pizza and frozen yogurt, then Sunday morning we went to the Tulsa Zoo, then swimming at K's parents house (they have an AMAZING pool, I wish I could swim in it every day!) and then did some fireworks in front of K&J's house. Little K didn't like them at all, I felt terrible for her. Once it started to get dark, we went back to the hotel and watched the fireworks that were being shot off nearby. Major would yell "whooooaaaa!!!" and stomp his feet & clap his hands every time one went off, haha! It was hilarious. The next morning we went to Bass Pro while we waited for K & Little K to get through with vacation bible school, and then we all went to the Oklahoma Aquarium. The kids all had a great time, and even got to touch some sharks! We had a great time, and it's really nice to get to spend time with K&J. I can't get over how lucky I am to have found such an amazing family to help.

I can see her moving!

2010-06-25T23:04:00.002-05:00

I thought I was going crazy when I looked down this afternoon and saw my belly moving. I've never seen a baby move this early. After I had ice cream after dinner, she was really moving a lot, so I took this video. She is so strong!

Ultrasound Update

2010-06-23T23:35:00.002-05:00

We had our ultrasound yesterday! This is the belly:

And this is the baby:

Small baby for such a big belly, if you ask me. Oh well. Anyway, the ultrasound was great. The baby was moving all over the place, kicking and squirming around. Heart rate was 156bpm. This was the best shot of the face that we were able to get since she had her face pressed up against the placenta in the 4D images. And yes, I said she! My doctor told K&J not to paint the nursery pink just yet, but there definitely was not a penis anywhere to be found! We will have a longer, more detailed ultrasound sometime in the next few weeks, so we will know for sure then.

Sorry!

2010-06-22T00:29:00.002-05:00

I didn't realize that it's been 2 weeks since I last updated. Sorry! I'm sitting here eating the peanut butter & jelly sandwich that I couldn't stop thinking about, so I thought I should update since I'm still up.

I've been feeling pretty good. I still have 'morning' sickness every day, a few times a day. It's annoying and I'm hoping it goes away soon. Thank goodness for Zofran! I've also got some killer heartburn, thanks mostly to the fact that this baby seems to mainly want mexican food. I can't pass a Taco Bell without stopping for nachos & a couple packets of fire sauce. I'm not a big fan of anything hot, but this baby definitely is. I still can't eat hamburgers or steak, though. I haven't been able to eat very much chocolate, either. I was craving chocolate cake the other night so I made one, took a few bites and haven't touched it since. Thankfully I have 3 boys here who didn't let it go to waste!

We have an appointment tomorrow with our OB, and another ultrasound. We're hoping to be able to see if this baby is a boy or a girl, too! (My money's on girl) We're meeting early for lunch with my friend and doula, LaDonna. Then after the appointment, hopefully some shopping! I need some more maternity clothes, for sure. Now that I'm in them full time, I'm realized that I don't have very many options.

Well, I'm done with my sandwich so I'm gonna try to go to bed now. I was in bed earlier, half asleep, when my eyes popped open and I was practically drooling thinking about a PB&J sandwich. Oh, the joys of pregnancy!

Feeling Movement

2010-06-08T22:07:00.002-05:00

I can feel the baby moving! Yesterday I was sitting here in my chair and it felt like someone was pressing on my belly, but from the inside. My first thought was "what the heck is that?" but then I immediately realized that it was the baby stretching out. It felt so neat! I felt it a few more times, then again at dinner when I was eating salsa (I've been craving salsa for a couple of weeks) and some more before bed, and I can feel it right now. He/she is pretty strong, too!

Other than that, things are pretty boring right now. But boring is good, we like boring! I listen to the heartbeat almost every day with the doppler, and it's always in the high 160's and 170's. We have another ultrasound on the 22nd, and we'll hopefully be able to see the gender.

12 Weeks!

2010-06-02T16:34:00.002-05:00

Oh. My. Gosh. I can't believe we made it to 12 weeks! It feels so great, I feel like I can finally relax and just enjoy the ride. I have been fairly optimistic about this pregnancy so far, but now I can really relax.

Up to this point, K & J have only told family and close friends about the surrogacy, but now that we're 12 weeks and everything is looking perfect, they're telling everyone when they get back from vacation. I am so excited!! I remember telling everyone about my own pregnancies, and how neat that was, so I'm really excited for them to be telling everyone and having everyone know they're expecting another baby.

I have been feeling really good lately. My morning sickness comes and goes, but it seems to have decreased over the last couple days. I've been exhausted, but that's because I was on vacation over the weekend. I thought vacations were supposed to be relaxing? Ugh. I need a vacation to recover from that vacation! But more than anything, I have been really happy. Like nothing can bring me down. I walk around with a big smile on my face all the time, and sometimes for no reason I will just giggle like some kind of maniac. I'm just so happy!

Appointment Update & Thoughts

2010-05-28T01:16:00.002-05:00

We had our appointment today, and all is great! Baby was swimming around in there like crazy, moving all over the place, and his/her heart rate was 176. There is also no trace of any SCH, or anything else that concerns the doctor. She gave the go-ahead to go about my life as normal, woohoo! We got to see a 4D view of her/him, and it was so neat! You could clearly see the little face and arm, and it was just really neat. It actually looks like a tiny little human baby. Of course, it IS a tiny little human baby, but I guess that I still expected it too look somewhat alien-like.

I got to thinking a while ago, about how much I took my own pregnancies for granted. When we have ultrasounds done for this pregnancy, I hold my breath each time until we see the heartbeat. I never did that with my own children. I always just expected to hear/see the heartbeat. I never thought I'd go into labor early and have my baby stay in the NICU while I went home, and now that is one of my biggest fears. It never really occurred to me that all pregnancies are not as easy and care-free as my two were, until recently. After seeing what some people go through to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and bring a healthy baby home, it really changes your perspective about things.

I'm definitely more cautious with this pregnancy than I was with my own. I don't know if that's because this baby isn't mine, or if it's because of the thousands of dollars is took to actually GET me pregnant, or because of the horrible bleeding-to-death scare we had a few weeks ago... I'm sure it's a combination of all of those things! With my own pregnancies, I was careful, sure- but not over-the-top careful like I am now. I second-guess everything I do or think about doing. Things that I know really are OK, things I never would have thought twice about if this child were mine. It's such an odd feeling, really. For example, I needed a cavity filled last week. With my own, never thought twice about it. The doctor and dentist said it was OK, and that was all I needed to hear. This time though, I spent an hour Googling and reading about the effects of x-rays, novacaine, even the stuff they use to fill the cavity. Turns out it's 100% safe, which I knew already, I just wanted to make double sure. I would feel terrible if anything that I did, caused something to go wrong. The fact that this baby does not belong to me changes everything.

When I was pregnant with own children, by this point I was already planning what color to paint the bedroom walls. What kind of bedding to buy, whether to bottle feed or breastfeed, picking out names... This time, I don't have to do any of that. And ohmygawd, it is relaxing!! I don't have to stress about which kind of bottles will or won't give the baby gas, or whether to buy Huggies or Pampers. I really don't have to do anything except gestate.

Continuing that thought, my mentality is entirely different this time around than it was when I was pregnant with my own children. I never really thought I would become "attached" to this baby to the point where I'd want to keep it. But I'm sure that for every first-time surrogate, there is that tiny, tiny little wonder in the back of your mind. Because really, we've never done this before. We can never predict how we will feel with a situation that's foreign to us. I would never in a million years want to keep this child, but a tiny part of me wondered if I might get attached to the point where I would love the baby, and be sad to see her go home with her parents. And 11 weeks in, I can honestly say that I don't feel any of that at all. Which is a good thing, of course! But when you're pregnant with your own child, you feel an immediate love for that child, even when it's microscopic and doesn't have a beating heart yet. That is your baby, and you love it. I don't have that. I still feel like I have to protect this baby, the same as any mother feels, but that whole feeling of 'I-love-this-baby-more-than-life-itself' isn't there. I guess it's neither a good nor bad thing, just an observation, really. And I know that K has that feeling for this baby, yet she can't really do much except watch me walk around with her baby in my belly and pray that I keep it safe. I can't imagine what a helpless feeling that is. I can honestly say that if I were infertile, and surrogacy was the only way for me to have a child, I'm not sure I could do it. I'm not sure I could trust someone else to keep my child safe for me the way I would if I could do it myself. Everyone always says how wonderful and brave surrogates are, and I think that the actual parents deserve just as much credit for being brave. I don't even trust someone who isn't family to babysit my 3 year old, and K trusts me enough to let me gestate her child. I don't think I could do it, but I'm so glad that she and J have trusted me with this most awesome task. It is such an honor, I can't fully put into words all the mushy feelings it makes me have, but any surrogate reading this will know exactly what I mean.

Okay, that's enough thinking for me. I need to be in bed, getting my beauty sleep before setting off on my vacation tomorrow!

DONE!

2010-05-26T00:55:00.004-05:00

I just took my last Crinone and Prometrium!! And I took off my estrogen patch!! What an awesome milestone, I can't believe it's gotten here so fast. I remember back in February when I got my protocol sheet, and saw that I'd need to be on Crinone, Prometrium and Vivelle patches until 11 weeks, it seemed like such a long, long time. It flew by so fast though.

I bought a doppler, so that I can listen to the heartbeat any time I want. It came with a cord so that I can plug it into my computer, record it and e-mail it to K & J! How cool is that? So now I have to figure out how to record on this computer, ha! Maybe I'll have that figured out sometime before 40 weeks. I hope.

We have another ultrasound on Thursday, I'm looking forward to seeing the little bean and how much he/she has grown. I Googled pictures of ultrasounds at 11 weeks, just to get an idea of what the baby will look like, and it looks like a REAL BABY. Holy cow. It's amazing how fast they grow in the beginning. A few short weeks ago, this baby was the size of a pea, and didn't even have arms and legs. And now it's the size of a lime, and will DOUBLE in size this week (according to my Baby Bump app). Crazy!

Oh, and I was informed this past weekend that K's dad reads my blog, and is keeping an eye on me! So, this one's just for him.... HOOK 'EM!! ;)

One Quarter

2010-05-19T01:30:00.002-05:00

Today, the bean is 10 weeks along. And that mean's we're one quarter of the way there! Also, one week from today, I get to stop my meds, yay! I'm feeling good about the pregnancy so far, but I'll feel better once we reach 12 weeks. I'm still a little nervous because of the bleeding I had, but as each day passes without anymore, I breathe just a little bit easier. Really, when we have the ultrasound on the 27th, I'll breathe a lot easier. I can't wait to see the bean kicking away in there!

I've finally gotten my appetite back, but my morning (all day) sickness has kicked into high gear. My OB gave me a prescription for Reglan, but it does absolutely nothing for it, ugh. However, Chris has had some sympathetic morning (all day) sickness, and the Reglan is working great for him. I'll ask my OB on the 27th for some Zofran. I know that works for me! I'm glad my appetite is back though. I'm going on vacation over Memorial Day weekend to the beach, and I would be crushed if I couldn't eat fresh calamari!

I'm getting so excited for this weekend. We're going to spend the weekend with K&J, and go to Little K's birthday party. I had a tutu made just for her, in her favorite colors, and I really hope she likes it. I think she will :)

Great News!

2010-05-11T00:15:00.003-05:00

We had an ultrasound today, and everything looked great!! The baby's heart rate was 176, and he/she is measuring at 8 weeks 3 days gestation (we're 8w5d) so it's pretty darn close. There also no SCH to be found. She said that it was possible that I may have bled it out. So, for now at least, everything is fine!

I still have to take it easy, but she said there's no reason why I can't go on my vacation in 3 weeks. Yaaaaay!

Scary Night

2010-05-08T09:08:00.002-05:00

On Thursday, at about 6:45pm, I started bleeding. Gushing is a more accurate term. I drove myself to the ER and waited 5 hours before they ever did an ultrasound. I was holding my breath, prepared to hear the worst, and the tech said "I see a heartbeat!" She turned on the sound, and there it was, beating away! I was so relieved, I just started crying. There is an SCH (subchorionic hemorrhage) in my uterus though. They are usually not a big deal, some never even bleed out, and they disappear. I read online that 1 to 3% of SCH's cause a miscarriage. Also, mine is "pretty small" according to the ultrasound tech, so that's good. I have an appointment at 1:30 on Monday with my OB for another ultrasound and hopefully we'll have some more information then.

For now, I'm just taking it easy. No heavy lifting, no strenuous activities, etc. I haven't done much since I got home, mostly just sat in the recliner. I'm afraid to do anything that might cause me to bleed like that again. That was definitely one of the scariest moments in my life. I've never seen anything like that. I honestly didn't think I could bleed that much and the baby would still be ok. I'm so glad that he/she is just fine!

Quick Update

2010-05-04T23:28:00.002-05:00

We had another appointment on April 30th. Baby's heart rate was 141 and he/she is measuring perfect. My uterus is also HUGE, which makes me feel a little better about *looking* so huge, haha. I thought it was all the Oreo's.

My OB told me to try Prilosec for my heartburn and it's already helping, thank goodness. I also got a prescription for chewable prenatal vitamins, because the ones I was taking before were making me sick.

Can't Sleep!

2010-04-29T02:30:00.002-05:00

Ugh! This insomnia is getting old, and we're only 7 weeks in. Well, technically only 4 weeks since the transfer, but lets not get technical. I am tired all day long, can barely wake up enough to put together a sentence, and then the sun goes down and I am just WIDE. AWAKE. Since I can't sleep, I figured I'd blog.

I hope you like the new blog layout! I added a groovy new background, a little ticker that says how far along we are, and a much-needed newer picture of myself. I decided to class up the place a little bit.

I have got some killer heartburn, too. I had heartburn with my other pregnancies, so of course I expected it. But at 7 weeks? No way. It's terrible, too. Rolaids can't touch it. I've been taking Wal-Mart's generic Zantac 150, and it's worked up until a few days ago. I'm going to have to ask my OB on Friday to give me a prescription for something. If I don't get it under control now, it'll only get worse. Just the thought of certain foods makes the acid creep up my throat (ew, I know.)

Let's go over this weeks cravings, shall we? So far we have:

Oreo's

Chocolate milk

Eggs (boiled, scrambled, deviled, over-medium)

Ramen noodles (chicken flavor only, please)

Pickles (how boring)

Tostitos Hint of Lime chips

Reese's

Pizza

Water (who craves water? seriously.)

And let's not forget, it's only Wednesday. Ok, Thursday now. But remember, I said no technicalities. One thing that I can't get over is the fact that just the thought of meat is enough to make me sick. I am a huge steak lover. Especially when pregnant. I'm sure I was responsible for the deaths of at least 10 cattle during my last pregnancy. But so far, meat makes me sick. I went out to dinner over the weekend to Shogun, and ordered steak and calamari, and I just couldn't eat it. Blech. So I'm thinking that this baby must be a girl!

I've run out of things to blog about. I need to go to bed, I actually feel somewhat sleepy now. Goodnight world!

We have a heartbeat!

2010-04-26T19:04:00.002-05:00

We had our ultrasound on Friday, and saw one perfect little baby with a perfect little heartbeat!! The heart rate was 102 bpm, which is exactly where it should be. K and J were both in the room for the ultrasound, and our doctor has a big screen TV on the wall that you can see the ultrasound on, SO COOL! We got pictures, but the baby is so tiny it's hard to see much. We are going back this Friday, the 30th, for another ultrasound so hopefully the baby will be a little easier to see.

Well Look At That!

2010-04-20T01:59:00.003-05:00

Looks like we've got ourselves a baby cookin' in there! I had an ultrasound on Thursday (4/15) just to check for placement, and sure enough, there's something in my uterus! We go on the 23rd for our first OB appointment and to check for a heartbeat.

In other news, I can't get enough chocolate milk. I'm not a milk person at all, I don't even drink it out of my cereal bowl, so for me to crave milk is just weird. I'm still craving pastas and breads, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to gain about 947 pounds in the next 8 months if I keep giving in to cravings. K and I are going to Olive Garden after the ultrasound, and I think I'm more excited about that than the ultrasound, haha! I just want breadsticks and alfredo sauce, I don't even need an entree.

I'm feeling pretty good. Morning sickness has started to slowly settle in, which I knew was inevitable. It's not really that bad yet *knock on wood* but I fully expect it to get worse. I'm hoping that it won't be as bad this time around as it was with both of my own children. I wonder if the baby's genetics makes a difference? Hmmm.... Probably not, ha! I'm also having an issue with sleep. I can't seem to make myself get up in the mornings, and I'm tired the entire day. I feel like a zombie. But then it comes time to go to bed, and I can't fall asleep to save my life! My brain just won't turn off, even though my body is tired. Which results in me being up all night, and not being able to get up in the morning, and the cycle begins again.

Oh, and we're going to visit K & J in May for Little K's birthday! We're staying the whole weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. I can honestly say I've never been to Tulsa except when passing through on my way to & from Missouri when I lived there years ago. I will get to meet K & J's family and friends, which is very exciting, but I do admit that I'm a little bit nervous. I'm not sure why, but I just am. I guess I just hope that they like me!

Oh, yeah!

2010-04-12T23:33:00.002-05:00

at 14dp5dt, our beta is.....

359!!!!! Oh yeah, we are SO pregnant!! I have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday just to check to make sure that things in my uterus are lookin' good. Then K & I, and maybe J, not sure, are going to my first prenatal appointment on the 23rd. We'll get another ultrasound and then the best part- K has promised me Olive Garden! I can't stop thinking about those darn breadsticks. I had a dream last night that I went to Olive Garden and ordered 10 baskets of breadsticks. Sheesh.

Look at that line!

2010-04-10T23:18:00.003-05:00

12dp5dt (ok, 11.5dpt if we're being technical) and my lines are looking good! Our official beta at 10dp5dt came back at 61! It tripled in 72 hours, woohoo! The RE wanted me to have another one today and on Monday, but said I could skip todays and just do Monday's since I already had stuff to do today. So Monday we'll have another beta and then I think after that I'm done. I'm going to call the OB's who has been doing my monitoring on Monday too and try to get in late this week, just to make sure everything is where it should be. We have our heartbeat ultrasound scheduled for the 23rd at 10:00.

I've been craving water for the last couple of days. I craved water when I was pregnant with Major, too. I also had the worst leg cramp today that I've ever had in my LIFE. I seriously thought I was going to die. It lasted about 5 minutes and I just screamed the whole time and tried unsuccessfully to massage it, but my muscle was hard as a rock. I would've cut my leg off at the knee had I been able to walk outside to get the saw. I'm still walking with a limp. Maybe that's why I've been craving water? Makes sense to me.

Yawn

2010-04-07T23:34:00.002-05:00

I'm tired. All the time. I could seriously sleep all day if you let me. And today, I almost did! No one woke me up, and when I finally woke up on my own I grabbed my phone to see what time it was, and it was 1:30! Good grief! How did that happen? Thankfully Chris was here and had Major entertained while I slept the day away.

Tomorrow is our second beta, well, first "official" beta. I'm going into town to have it drawn & then I'm heading over to one my best friends houses for a massage, then she & I are getting pedicures & going shopping. Great day! Hopefully our beta will have more than doubled, and if so, I'll call the OB and set up our ultrasound! She wanted to see me at 6 weeks, so that would be April 21, but we're gonna try to get the appointment set for April 23. My other OB (the one who's been doing my monitoring) wanted to see me at about 5 weeks just to check for placement, so I'm still debating whether or not to go ahead and see him, too. With my previous ectopic, I would feel much better about seeing him next week. But it seems silly when I could just wait a week. *sigh* I'll decide sometime this week.

It's Official!

2010-04-05T20:58:00.002-05:00

We snuck in an early beta today, and at 7dp5dt it was 20! We are DEFINITELY pregnant!

And I am definitely FEELING pregnant now, too. This baby is kicking my butt! I'm so tired, I can hardly stay awake during the day. It's 9:00 and I really want to put in the New Moon DVD but I'm not sure I can stay awake for the whole thing! My lower back has been killing me too, I could really use a massage! I also have this really weird feeling in my stomach. I don't know how to describe it, other than it feels full. It's just strange. I don't remember feeling anything different in my stomach until around 6 weeks. So either there are twins in there, or I'm just more aware of my body this time around.

So, we have another beta on Thursday. I'm really anxious to see what the number is this time!

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T10:07:00.002-05:00

In the 2ww!

2010-03-30T19:02:00.002-05:00

Ok, so really it's a 10 day wait. Our transfer yesterday went beautifully, we transferred two embryos. One was a 4AB, the other was a 3BB. If you don't know what that means, you're gonna have to Google, because I can't explain it, haha! The RE was very pleased with the quality of the embryos, and the thickness of my uterine lining, and he said that he was giving us a 70-80% chance of pregnancy, with a 40% chance of twins!

I got to come straight home after the transfer instead of staying the night in a hotel, and I had to lay down in the backseat of the pickup the whole way. I was so uncomfortable! That seat was rock hard, and I got car sick a few times. I tried to sleep but couldn't sleep very well. Needless to say, I was so glad when I got home! I got in the recliner and layed flat the rest of the night, and decided to put myself on 24 hours of bed rest, even though I was only required to be on bed rest for the rest of the the day. Now that my 24 hours are up, I'm still taking it very easy. I've just been hanging out in the recliner and bumming all day. I'll get up tomorrow and be a little more productive. Plus I have to go buy pregnancy tests, haha!

T Minus 18 Hours

2010-03-28T19:57:00.002-05:00

We're all set for our transfer tomorrow! K spoke with the embryologist on Saturday, and of the seven that they started with, four were looking great. There was one 7-cell, one 8-cell, and one 9-cell. They didn't say what the fourth was. But they were all grade B (which is great!). And tomorrow, the best looking two will be transferred to me, where they will hopefully settle in for a cozy 37-40 weeks :)

We're meeting K & J tomorrow at On The Border for some yummy fajitas, and then we're off to get pregnant! I'm wearing my green "Let's Go Get Knocked Up" t-shirt, and my socks with little green 4 leaf clovers on them. I'll take all the luck we can get!

100%

2010-03-25T20:59:00.002-05:00

K had her retrieval on Wednesday, and despite having many follicles, they only retrieved 7 eggs. The RE was disappointed, and I think we were all a little worried about how many would fertilize and grow. K sent me a text this morning and said she'd heard from the embryologist, and all 7 eggs fertilized! How awesome is that?! So we'll hear from them again either tomorrow or Saturday to see how the embryos are growing, and we're all set for a transfer on Monday at 2:15. K & J are flying into DFW a few hours early & we're gonna have lunch before the transfer.

So, fingers & toes crossed that at least two of those embryos grow to 5 days & implant!

All set for Monday!

2010-03-23T01:12:00.002-05:00

K had another ultrasound today, and they're doing the retrieval on Wednesday, and we'll transfer on Monday the 29th at 2:15pm! Tuesday will be the last day for lupron, too! YAAAAY!

Right on Track

2010-03-20T00:26:00.002-05:00

K's ultrasound on Wednesday went great, she has several big follicles! My ultrasound on Thursday showed that I have no follicles at all, and my lining was almost 10mm thick! WOOHOO! Very, very good! K has another ultrasound Saturday morning, and retrieval should be Wednesday or Thursday. I can't believe how close we are!

Getting Close

2010-03-17T00:10:00.003-05:00

K goes in for an ultrasound Wednesday to see how many follicles she has & how big they are! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good report. I go in on Thursday for an ultrasound to see how thick my lining is, and a blood test to check my estrogen level. Hopefully my lining will be nice and fluffy, it took a while for me to build it up last cycle.

The estradiol/lupron combo has turned me into a manic depressive maniac. At least that's what I feel like! I'm ready to get rid of this darn lupron & get back to semi-normal! I have to keep reminding myself that this is temporary, and the outcome is going to be amazing.

So cross your fingers for K's appointment on Wednesday, and mine on Thursday!

Started Estrogen!

2010-03-07T01:30:00.002-06:00

I didn't notice any side effects from the lupron at first... and then it started to have an effect on my temper. I have a little bit of short fuse already, I've always been that way. But the lupron cut that short fuse in half. I've been really, really mindful not to get too aggravated with the kids, because really, they're just kids. When Calvin spilled an entire bowl of cereal on the couch this morning, and I felt my head start to explode, I just walked away. But my husband has not been so fortunate. Hey, I have to take it out on someone, and yelling at the dogs is very unsatisfying. The first couple of times he took it personal, but now he just laughs. He's threatening to videotape me & play it back when I'm "sane again".

I started estrogen today! It's either going to make me feel a little more normal, or it's going to mix with the lupron and spin me into a kind of crazy that will make Joan Crawford look like June Cleaver. Still too early to tell. I'm hoping for the former, but saving up money for therapy in case of the latter.

5 down, 25 to go!

2010-03-02T00:45:00.004-06:00

So far, it's been a roller coaster. I haven't had any of the terrible side effects yet (knock on wood) but we are only 5 days in. I had a headache on Saturday, but so far that seems to be it.

My first injection was hard, it took me about 10 minutes of counting to three before I finally just did it, and I didn't even feel it! The second one wasn't as bad, it took me a few minutes to psych myself up, but it was easy. The third one just took a second, but the fourth one, well, it pinched. I think I hesitated a little when I stuck it in, and it pinched just a teeny, tiny bit. So tonight, it took me another 10 or 15 minutes of counting to three, breathing, almost passing out, and then finally doing the injection. And I didn't feel it. I feel like such a big baby! The needle is so tiny, if I do it right, I can't even feel it. It's just the idea of actually stabbing myself that I can't get over. I'm thinking it will get easier, but who knows.

In other news, I got a gift certificate for amazon.com yesterday from my very amazing friend Angela, and decided to order a Flip UltraHD camcorder. I've wanted one for a while, and thought I could use it quite a bit during this surrogacy. I can take a video of myself doing a pregnancy test & send it to K & J so that they can see the positive results appear! I can also take video of any ultrasounds that they miss, and of the baby (babies) kicking in my belly so they can see. I can't wait for it to get here!

We have a calendar!

2010-02-24T10:19:00.003-06:00

K went in for her ultrasound yesterday & everything looked good. The RE said he'd look over my chart & send us a calendar in a few days. Then last night he called K & said for her to continue her birth control pills, and he'd start her on stim meds on 3/13. I just checked my e-mail & the IVF coordinator sent me my calendar! This is how it's going to work:

2/25- I start lupron, 10 units

3/3- I stop birth control pills, an have my E2 & uterine lining checked

3/6- I begin taking estrace 2x a day, start Vivelle patches, and baby aspirin

3/13- K begins stim meds

3/14- I drop lupron to 5 units

3/18- I have E2 & lining checked again

3/25- I stop lupron, begin crinone, and they'll retrieve K's eggs

3/30- Transfer two of K & J's beautiful little babies into my cozy uterus where they'll (hopefully) hang out for the next 36-40 weeks!

I am so excited I can hardly stand it! The clinic is ordering my meds & I'll have my lupron overnighted to me so that I can begin tomorrow. I knew at some point I'd likely have to give myself injections, but now that I know I'm starting tomorrow, I'm starting to crap frisbees. I know, it's a teeny-tiny little needle and it's no big deal and I should thank my lucky stars that I'm not having to do PIO injections because that's a 14 inch long 10 gauge needle in the butt (ok, maybe I'm exaggerating) but I'm still slightly nervous about it! I've watched some YouTube videos demonstrating the lupron injections to psych myself up. I'm sure tomorrow when it comes time to do my first injection, I will sit there for over an hour trying to talk myself into it.

Looking Good!

2010-02-17T01:53:00.002-06:00

K's blood result came back from her test last week, and whatever they tested looked very good. She goes in on the 23rd to have her ovaries looked at via ultrasound, I'm not exactly sure what they're looking for though. I'm sorry I don't know the technicalities, the whole egg production thing really isn't my area :) The IVF coordinator e-mailed me on Monday to find out what day of my birth control pills I was on, and said that we were going to get the ball rolling!

Other than that, I am in the dark. If I were to guess, I'd say that they're going to start K on meds after the 23rd so she'll produce a bunch of eggs, and that I'll be starting lupron and estradiol around the same time. But, I really don't know! K's been through this before, since she did IVF to conceive Little K, but there was no surrogate involved so this really is a whole new ballgame. I'm going to e-mail the IVF coordinator tomorrow to see if I can get a little more information form her and a rough timeline. If not, K will let me know whats up on the 23rd!

I know this was a crappy update, but hey, at least I updated!

Crossing our fingers for March

2010-02-12T00:44:00.003-06:00

So earlier this week, we had a mini-crisis. Ok, a rather large crisis, which led to me having a fit that could rival any 2 year olds. Seriously, I was this close to laying in the floor & screaming. K told our clinic early on that if our FET didn't work, we wanted to go straight into a fresh cycle, and they said that would be fine. Fast forward to negative beta, and the RE decides he wants to look at K's ovaries...NEXT cycle. That was kind of a bummer by itself, but because of K's work schedule, she wants to transfer by April 1st, otherwise we'd have to wait until August or September. Cue meltdown.

"What the heck am I doing to do for 6 months?! I will have no purpose! I want to deliver in 2010, or at least by late January! I can't just sit here and do nothing!"

This went on for approximately 24 hours. My poor husband & my poor friends. I was seriously freaking out. And now that I look back, I have no idea why I freaked out! It's only 6 months, it isn't the end of the world. I knew that there would be a gap in transfers if the second one didn't work, but I just wanted us to get that chance at a second one before we just twiddled our thumbs for 6 months. Thankfully, the IVF coordinator got in touch with K and told her that they were going to try their best to make a March transfer happen! Yaaaay!!! You should have seen me when I got K's text, I was fist-pumping like a Jersey Shore pro. Throw in a few ninja kicks & high fives... I'm sure I looked like I was having some kind of seizure.

So, they started me on birth control pills, and K got her blood drawn for some kind of fancy blood test to check her ovaries, and now we are just waiting for those results. Once those are in, we'll get instructions, I assume. I'm not entirely sure what this cycle will consist of, but one thing I know for sure is that both K and I will be sticking needles into our bellies on a daily basis which will be sure to turn us both into hormonal, hot-flash-having, grumpy women. I can almost hear the cries of joy from our husbands right now.

Anywho, hopefully I'll have a better update early next week. Everyone cross your fingers for a successful March transfer!

Negative Beta :(

2010-02-04T17:51:00.002-06:00

The title pretty much says it all. Our beta today was negative :( We're bummed, but moving forward. I stop meds today & AF should arrive soon. Then K and I will sync our cycles up so a fresh transfer in March.

I'll have to do the dreaded lupron shots with this cycle- eeeks!

Bad Dream

2010-01-28T23:11:00.002-06:00

I had a dream last night that I was in the hospital and had just delivered twins. K & J hadn't been able to make it to the hospital on time, but they were on their way. The nurse handed me the babies and started to leave the room, but I told her that the babies weren't mine, and she had to take them to the nursery until their parents got here, and she laughed and said "no honey, those are your babies, you have to take care of them!" and left the room.

The babies were crying and hungry and then they both pooped at the same time. I pressed the call button and told the nurse that the babies were hungry and she replied "well breastfeed them, mommy!" and I just kept saying "these are not my babies!" I was crying and kept dialing K's number on my cell phone but she wouldn't answer. I tried to get out of the bed, but I had a baby in each arm and I was sore and couldn't maneuver, and kept thinking I was going to drop one.

I woke up drenched in sweat and I had tears streaming down my face. What a terrible nightmare! I still get kind of shaky just thinking about it, haha.

Must. Pee. On. Stick.

2010-01-28T22:58:00.003-06:00

I'm 3dp5dt, and I have an incredible urge to POAS. I know it's too early, I know it will be negative, and I know I will get discouraged. But in the back of my mind I keep thinking "what if it's positive..." If it WERE positive, I'd be carrying a litter. I'm going to try my best to wait until tomorrow afternoon.

I'm driving myself crazy, too. My brain is tricking me into thinking everything that happens with my body *might* mean I'm pregnant.

My back has been hurting- I must be pregnant!

My boobs are sore today- I must be pregnant!

I've been craving water all day- I must be pregnant!

I'm so tired I can barely hold my eyes open- I am definitely pregnant!

In the 2ww Now!

2010-01-26T19:35:00.002-06:00

The transfer went great yesterday! We got to the RE's office a little early & when they called me back, K & my friend Nina came in with me. K & I held hands and when the embryologist brought the embryos in we all started to cry a little. I had to lay in the office for 30 minutes after the transfer, so J & Little K came in the room and we all hung out until I could get up. When we left, J drove through McDonald's and got some french fries and we all ate some for good luck!

When we got back to the hotel, we ordered dinner from Cheddars. I had a steak, and it was delicious! J, K & Little K came to my hotel room and brought balloons, a Nestle Tollhouse cookie cake with a Longhorn in orange icing on it, haha! They brought presents, too! A Coach wallet, an awesome pink camo down vest, and a Lonestar gift card :) I have the best IP's ever!

I'm feeling good about the transfer, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it worked. I'm going to try my very best to not POAS until Friday afternoon, but we'll see...

Transfer Eve

2010-01-24T21:37:00.002-06:00

Our transfer is tomorrow! It's finally here! I'm going to get to bed early tonight so I'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning (ha!) I'm going to pick up Nina about 10 and then we're heading to the Big D! Lunch at Joe's Crab Shack, shopping at Sam Moon, then we'll meet K & J at the hotel. K, Nina & I will go to the transfer and leave J & Little K at the hotel pool while we go get knocked up :) Then I get to lay in bed all evening and no one will say I'm lazy, haha!

Well, the next time I post I will be with child! Think happy thoughts & wish us luck!

Overwhelmed With Emotion

2010-01-21T01:54:00.003-06:00

I can't sleep. It's almost 2:00 am, and my mind is racing. I'm excited about the transfer on Monday, but nervous, too. I hope it works. I hope one of the embryos sticks & everything goes smoothly. I just hope most of all that the transfer either works, or it doesn't. It would be heartbreaking to get that positive pregnancy test, and then miscarry. Even worse to see a heartbeat & then miscarry.

When I think about the actual transfer, I get overwhelmed with emotion. I feel so special that K&J have chosen me to carry their child, and that they're trusting me with this huge, amazing task. I feel honored. I feel important. When I get up every morning, I won't just be doing the same old stuff, I'll be helping to grow a family. I feel like surrogacy is something that I was meant to do, and I'm so thrilled that it's finally happening.

I hope that makes sense. It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling, but that's the best I could do. Let's also not forget that I have an insanely high amount of estrogen running through my body right now, and there is excess emotion behind everything, lol. I should get some sleep before I make myself crazy (crazier).

Green Light!

2010-01-20T11:45:00.002-06:00

My bloodwork came back today and we got the green light to transfer on Monday! My estrogen level was 1,744!!! This explains why I cry every time the preview for Dear John comes on TV, and the hellacious nausea I've been having.

I start meds today, so the IVF coordinator went over the instructions with me again on how and when to take each med, and I just took my first prometrium, methylprednisone, and doxycycline. I continue the Vivelle patches, but get to ditch the estradiol- yay! And tonight I will start crinone at bedtime.

Our transfer will be Monday at 4:45pm :)

Yay!

2010-01-18T20:54:00.002-06:00

I had a lining check this morning and it was 8.6mm!! Woohoo! I called our IVF coordinator and let her know, and she said that as soon as she got my bloodwork in, she'd call me & let me know what to do. She did say that we will definitely be able to do a Jan. 25 transfer, yay!

Well Crap!

2010-01-13T02:07:00.002-06:00

I went in today for my lining check, and my lining was only 5.8mm thick. It needed to be atleast 7mm in order for us to be able to transfer on the 18th. So they're tweaking my meds a little bit (more estrogen, whoopee!) and we're going to check again on the 20th. If my lining if at 7mm or better that day, then I should be able to start meds that day and we will be able to transfer on January 25th- which also happens to be my birthday. So that would be really neat if we could transfer that day!

Fingers crossed that the extra estrogen does something besides make me crazy.

Here We Go!

2009-12-30T23:46:00.004-06:00

AF came on Christmas day, so on Monday I called to get an appointment to see the RE, and was able to get in on Tuesday at noon. When I got there, the RE had me come back to his office & we went over my medical & OB history, and he made a cycle calendar for me. Then a nurse took me into a patient room and gave me two ibuprofen & an antibiotic pill and said I was having a hysterosonogram. I was really nervous because I'd heard that they were pretty uncomfortable. I had a mock transfer, which wasn't uncomfortable at all, and then the hysterosonogram- and it wasn't bad at all! The RE showed me my uterus on the screen & said that it looked perfect and that I was good to go, woooo hoooo!!!

He gave me a prescription for estradiol pills which I will take 2x a day, and Vivelle patches, which I will replace every 3 days. I'm also taking one baby aspirin per day. Then on Jan. 12th I'll have an ultrasound & check my E2 and if my levels are good and my lining is over 7mm, then I'll start prometrium & crinone, and we will transfer two frozen embies on Jan. 18th! I can't believe it's finally happening! So far I'm doing OK with the estrogen. I sort of feel like I have PMS, I've noticed that my temper was a little short today (Chris noticed too, ha!) but other than that, it's ok. I haven't turned into Psycho Crazy Lady yet. I say yet because I know it's inevitable, haha.

I did find out that I will need to stay the night in DFW after the transfer- I wasn't expecting to have to stay for bedrest, but no biggie! Either Chris will take off work, or my friend Nina will come with me. To be honest, I'd rather Nina come! Then we can have K come to the hotel room & we can all watch movies and eat popcorn and have some girly time!

Chris and I, and the kids, went to OKC today to meet K, J & little K for lunch at Charleston's. I'd never eaten there before, but I'm definitely going back- that burger was deeeeeelish! We also signed the contract- OMG! *happy dance* We are now 100% official. When we were leaving, K told me to come out to their car because they had something for us. There were two wrapped presents for the boys, and a gift bag for Chris & I with two gift cards to Bass Pro Shops inside! When we got home the boys unwrapped their presents, and they each got a camo backpack with their names embroidered in hunter orange! They were so excited, and Major even asked if he could sleep with his, haha. I am so touched that they thought of us this Christmas, it means so much to me. I am so grateful to have such amazing IP's. And they're not just IP's to me anymore, they're friends. I'm so glad that we met & that I get to be a part of completing their family.

It's Finally Here!

2009-12-27T01:39:00.002-06:00

I began a new cycle on Christmas day. Not just any cycle, but "the" cycle. This is the cycle we've been waiting for, and this is the cycle that hopefully (fingers crossed) results in a baby! I have been waiting for this moment for a very long time, and even though my cycle was a couple of days early, I was very excited! Monday morning I will call the RE's office and pray that they can squeeze me in that afternoon, and Chris & I will head that way. I'll have my testing done & then I get to start meds, woohoo! By my calculations, it looks like we should transfer around the 15th. Which reminds me, I have some questions for him regarding the transfer, and I think K did too, so we need to get together & make a list of questions for me to ask him on Monday!

We still do not have the flippin contract signed, but it's really not our fault. We've already agreed to it, it's typed up & printed out, just waiting for signatures. My lawyer is out of her office until the 30th, and K&J's lawyer won't let me sign without speaking to her first. So as soon as I talk to her, I'll sign, send it to K&J, they'll sign and then we will be 100% official!

I really don't like the idea of starting meds without it being signed, but- it's not like we're still negotiating terms or something like that. We just have to wait for my lawyer to give the official 'thumbs-up' that I can sign, which I am sure she will. I have said more than once that a surrogate should never start meds without a contract in place, so I feel like a total hypocrite right now. And I'm not doing injections, so that makes a difference- atleast to me. I'll only be on estradiol, which isn't really a big deal. (I'll have to come back & read this last sentence when I'm having hot flashes & crying over Huggies commercials next week, ha!)

Wednesday Chris & I are meeting K&J in OKC for lunch. I'm glad that they finally get to meet him, and Major will get to play with little miss K again. That's all the update I have for now, but hopefully Monday night I'll have a really good one!

Contract is almost ready!

2009-12-18T00:32:00.002-06:00

I got the contract about a week ago, and went through it page by page. I only had a few things that I wanted to tweak, but everything else looked great. I sent the changes to K&J and they just sent the changes to their lawyer, so we should have a final draft early next week, I'm hoping! I would love to have this thing signed before Christmas, that would be an awesome present.

I'm on day 21 of a 30 day cycle, so I will be having my screening appointment with the RE in about 10 days or so, and then I will start medications!! I am so excited, I can't believe we are already here. This seemed so far away when I matched with K&J back in October, and now it's almost time to transfer! I'm crossing my fingers & toes that the first transfer works, and K&J take home a crying, pooping, beautiful little bundle of joy 9 months later!

Short Update

2009-12-03T20:33:00.002-06:00

K & J got the contract yesterday! Yaaaay! They're looking it over & taking the silly stuff out, then after they send it back to their lawyer I'll get a copy. Once my lawyer & I look it over, I'll sign & we'll be ready to go! Woohoo!

I started a new cycle on 11/28, and when I start my next cycle on or about 12/28 I'll see the RE & start meds! Things are just moving right along :-)

I Have NO Patience

2009-11-24T23:14:00.002-06:00

None. Not a bit. This waiting is killing me. We still haven't gotten the contract from the lawyer yet, and I highly doubt we get it until next week sometime, if that. I wonder if this lawyer understands that we need to have this contract signed & on the RE's desk by mid-December, since he has to have it 15 days before I start meds, which will be right around the first of January. I hope the lawyer can get the contract to my IP's next week sometime & that they don't have to make too many changes, and that I won't need to make many changes. I don't see me needing to make many changes though, so hopefully we can get this contract knocked out quickly. I doubt it takes us more than a couple of days to do our part, really. If that lawyer would just get it to us...

It just feels like nothing is happening right now. I'm ready to get this show on the road! I'm expecting my 'aunt' any time now, and once that cycle is over, we get to start our REAL CYCLE! How exciting! That is only 4 weeks away though, which is why I'm getting frustrated. If the contract takes more than 2-3 weeks, we have to delay until February.

I know this sounds like I am griping, but I'm not, I swear. I know this lawyer is busy, we are not her only clients, and it's almost Thanksgiving. I totally get it. But that doesn't stop me from being impatient. I'm just super excited, and I'm ready to get everything finalized so that we can stop worrying about that & move on to the fun stuff!

Awesome Day

2009-11-20T02:20:00.002-06:00

Today was our appointment with our RE! I got up early this morning & headed out around 9 and picked up Nina on the way to Irving. We met K & J at Bennigan's for lunch, then went over to the RE's office. It was our understanding that I needed to come along to the appointment, but when the RE came in the room, he promptly kicked Nina & I out. We sat in the lobby & talked & thumbed through old issues of WebMD Magazine for an hour & a half. Boring, yet Nina made it fun :) I'm so glad she came, otherwise I would have been bored to DEATH!!

K & J met with the RE & had to get some bloodwork done, and they also got a cycle schedule! We've decided to skip my next cycle, and then the cycle after that will be "the" cycle. I've looked at my calendar, and it looks like AF should arrive next time around Dec.30- Jan.2, then I will go in on day 2 or 3 to the RE. I'll have a ton of bloodwork done, an ultrasound and a mock transfer. Approximately 21 days later, we'll have the real transfer. I got 3 pieces of good news today:

1. No needles. All meds will be taken via patches, creams, and pills.
2. No mock cycle.
3. No bedrest, so no overnight stay in DFW! I will, however, lay down in the car on the way home & plant my behind in my recliner as soon as I get here for a couple of days. I know the RE said no bedrest is needed, but it sure as heck can't hurt anything, and with so much riding on it... well, I'd feel better about it.

I know that this is really happening, but it just seems so surreal. I feel like all the bad things I went through with my previous match have been more than made up for with K & J. I know they are keeping up with my blog, and butt-kissing really isn't my thing so I almost feel like I shouldn't say all of this, but I have to! I've totally hit the IP jackpot! They are wonderful, and I feel truly, truly blessed to have met them & be in a position to help them complete their beautiful family. Hopefully, fingers crossed, I will get to help make a gorgeous little girl a big sister, and that's one of the most rewarding things about this surrogacy. I can't wait to see the look on her face the first time she meets her new baby brother or sister, and I especially can't wait to see K & J's faces when their child is born. I know to some people that might sound silly or strange, but you ask any surrogate what the *best* part of their journey was, and 9 out of 10 will tell you that it was seeing the IP's faces when they saw their child for the first time.

Ok, ok, I'll stop with the emotional stuff, haha! The next step is getting the contract, making any changes, and signing! Hopefully we'll have it ready to sign in the next couple of weeks!

I'm Not Crazy!

2009-11-13T23:34:00.002-06:00

Chris & I went to have our psych evaluation yesterday with the psychologist that the RE wanted us to see. She talked to us for over an hour, she asked a lot of questions about us & our families, and then we talked about surrogacy. She wanted to make sure that we knew what we were getting into (we do), and that we understood all the aspects of surrogacy (again, we do). She said that I wasn't crazy, but just crazy enough to be a surrogate, LOL! She said that we passed her evaluation, and then I had to take the MMPI. I've never taken it, but I'd heard that it had some funny questions on it so I was prepared. I couldn't help but laugh at a few of them though. As long as I didn't screw up the MMPI, we should be good!

The psychologist said that she'd get her findings over to the RE in time for our appointment on the 19th. I am going to send my medical records to the RE on Monday so he can review them before our appointment, too. K & J secured an attorney, and she's getting the contract started, and my attorney is going to contact me soon. We've already agreed to the terms of the contract, so I think this should be a pretty painless process, haha! Once we get the official go-ahead from the RE, we will sign the contract. Then we wait until January for the transfer!

Psych Eval Scheduled!

2009-11-04T21:18:00.003-06:00

I spoke with the psychologist today who will be doing my psych evalulation & scheduled an appointment for next week. She has to talk to Chris and I, then I have to take the MMPI, yaaaay. (Can you feel the enthusiasm?) I've never taken it before, but I hear it's got some pretty silly questions on it.

It looks like things are moving right along at a good pace!

A New Beginning!

2009-11-01T01:58:00.000-06:00

Back in June, I had to put my dreams of becoming a surrogate on hold. I thought that I may never be a surrogate, and it was very hard to let go of that dream. I've wanted to be a surrogate since I first heard about it, and a year ago I poured myself into the surrogacy world. I've made some of the best friends I've ever had, I've learned so much about myself, and I'm a stronger & better person because of the friends I've made & the things I've learned. So when I had to put surrogacy on hold, it was devastating. But I never put the thought out of my mind...

My husband, Chris, knows how much I want to be a surrogate, and how much it means to me to be able to do this. Since day 1 he has been 100% supportive of me, and there's no way that I could do this without him. While he may think I'm just a little bit crazy for wanting to do this, he knows why, and he thinks it's great. When I had to put surrogacy on hold, he kept telling me not to give up, and that I should still do it if I still felt like I wanted to. About 2 months ago I told him that I thought I was ready, and he told me to go for it. So I stepped back in, slowly. I sat down & made a list: qualities I wanted my Intended Parents to have, things that are important to me in a contract, which clinics I would like to work with, etc. Then I began looking for IP's who shared the same ideas & values that I did.

It took a few weeks, and few wacky e-mails from some less-than-ideal IP's, but then I got an e-mail from K. I knew in her first e-mail that I liked her, and the more we talked, the more I thought she might be a really good fit. We agreed on the number of embryos to transfer, we agreed on the selective reduction/termination issue (a big one for me) and we agreed that a surrogacy should not be rushed, and we wanted to take our time & get to know each other first. We've been e-mailing now for a little over a month, and last weekend I met K, her husband J, and their daughter for lunch. I knew then that they were the perfect IP's for me! K & J felt the same, and here we are, officially matched!

We have an appointment with an RE in the DFW area for November 19th, and we are trying to get an appointment made for psych evals. The forms for our criminal background checks have been mailed, and we're working on finding a good lawyer for our contract. We've even decided on which doctor to use for the pregnancy! Hopefully we can have a final draft of the contract ready to sign right after our appointment with the RE, so once he gives his official thumbs up we can sign. We're on the right track, and I am so, so excited. If everything goes as planned, it looks like we should be ready for a mid-late January transfer. K & J have three frozen embryos (or 'totsicles', as I like to call them!) left from their cycle that resulted in their daughter. We've decided to transfer just one embryo, since the thought of twins seems to scare them as much as it does me! Hopefully the transfer will result in a successful pregnancy, but if not, we'll do a fresh cycle.

My friend Nina has been searching for a long time for a match, and this past week she was officially matched with an IF! We were supposed to go out to dinner Friday night to celebrate, but my oldest son got a stomach virus so we had to postpone, so Tuesday we're going to have lunch to celebrate our matches. I don't know what the restaraunt is called, or what kind of food they serve, but I know that they have fried Snickers bars, and that is ALL I need to know. I'm so glad that I not only have my friends who are experienced surrogates to help me through this journey, but I will also have Nina to go through this with me as well. She's also a first time GS, and will be transferring around the same time as I do. I feel like I've hit the surrogacy lottery, haha!