Pictures!

Taryn, one day old

Look at those eyes! She was an hour-ish old here.

Me holding Taryn for the first time. I'd just come back from surgery.

Little K meeting Taryn for the first time, with her grandparents looking on.

Welcome to the world!

Birth Story

K & J met us in the lobby of the hotel at 4:50 am, and neither them or myself slept very well. We drove the few blocks over to the hospital and went up to labor & delivery. J was so excited, he was practically skipping, lol. Got the IV started, and pit started at 5:55 am. My amazing friend/ doula LaDonna got to the hospital around 5:45 am. We all just hung out, talking, laughing.. it was very relaxed. I started contracting once the pit got to level 8, around 7:30 I'd say. I moved around a bit and got on the birthing ball which really helped the pain, unfortunately it seemed to make my contractions nearly stop. I decided to get back into bed and then the contractions really started to set in, and hurt. I asked the nurse where the anesthesiologist was (or "The Epidural Man" as I called him) and she said he was there, and they were going in for a c-section and then he was going home unless I wanted my epidural first. Once home, it would take him 20-30 minutes to get to me once I requested him, and I really didn't wanna let the poor guy get home only to be called right back, so I went ahead and got my epidural. He came just in time too, because I was really starting to hurt! Everyone left the room except LaDonna, who stayed with me and held my hand through the whole thing. It was surprisingly fast, he was a great Epidural Man!

Once the epidural was in, I immediately felt better. I was so tired, since I didn't sleep at all Monday night, and I kept trying to nap but it was so hard to fall asleep. My OB came in and broke my water around 10:30. She thought there was a little bit of meconium but it was very light. They prepped for extra suction just in case. Around noon I was 5cm and 70% effaced, and at 2pm I was 7cm and 90% effaced. I started to get nauseous and got the shakes around this time too. My nurse gave me some zofran in my IV and it passed pretty quickly. My mom got to the hospital around this time & came in and hung out with us. K's mom and dad, J's mom, and Little K were all also there, going back and forth between my room and K & J's room next door. I started to feel some pressure so the nurse checked me again, and I was 8 1/2cm. Baby was still high so they had me sit up more in bed to help her come down. At 3:00 I only had a little bit of an anterior lip left, but she was still high. They let me labor down for about 15 minutes and then called for my OB.

I had LaDonna at my left side, with K just beside her at my head, and J behind her, behind my head. My OB got ready and they broke the bed down and everyone was in position just waiting for a contraction. I felt very weird in that moment, it was like everyone was waiting for me to do something.... and I wasn't doing anything. I got really emotional knowing that everything was coming to an end, but I managed to keep it together. I just couldn't open my eyes and look at anyone or else I knew I'd lose it! I had a contraction and started to push, and I just knew I was doing it wrong. It didn't feel right & I felt like I was about to push my eyeballs out. It took a few pushes for me to get in the groove and remember how to push. I didn't make a sound, and everyone was very quiet except for my OB who would tell me to take a breath & push again, and then give me feedback on how I was doing.

After a few minutes of pushing and feeling like I wasn't getting her anywhere, I got a little frustrated. I finally got focused and gave a few good pushes. I opened my eyes for a second and looked at my OB, who was looking up at K smiling. I started to get a little emotional, and then LaDonna says "she's got hair!!" and I just completely lost it. I don't really know why, I just started bawling, which made K start crying, which started a chain reaction and before you knew it everyone was crying except for J, who thought all of us women were nuts I'm sure! I don't know who it was, but someone asked me why I was crying and I just started laughing and said I had no idea! I think I was just overwhelmed, I knew everything was coming to an end, and the moment I'd been waiting for- and K & J had been waiting for for 9 months was finally about to happen.

I got refocused and pushed a few more times. I knew she was getting close and that made me push harder. Finally my OB said that her head was out, so I stopped and they suctioned her mouth a little bit. I gave one last little push and there she was! The cord was wrapped around her neck once, and my OB took it off and suctioned her mouth a little more, and put her on my chest. She started screaming immediately. I looked up at my IP's and the looks on their faces made every single minute totally worth it! The nurse was cleaning her off a little bit and I looked down at Taryn and she lifted her head back looked up at me with her big beautiful blue eyes. It was such an amazing moment! They clamped the cord and J got to cut it. I wrapped her up in the blanket and handed her to K, and she was just sobbing and smiling. J, with tears streaming down his face, leaned over and put his hand on my head, and kissed my forehead and cheeks, and said 'thank you' over and over again. I reached my hand up and patted his head, and I was crying and laughing at the same time. It was a very surreal moment. Taryn was finally here! She was born at 3:41 pm.

K & J walked over to the warmer with Taryn. I looked down at my OB and she had huge tears rolling down her cheeks. It was then that I looked around the room and saw that every single person in there was crying. My OB, the nurses, LaDonna... all crying! I was watching across the room as they were cleaning Taryn off & weighing her, and she was just screaming her little head off the whole time. She was kicking and punching the air and I had to laugh because it was so funny to see her doing what I'd been feeling her do for the last few months. I kept saying how tiny she was, I was shocked! I really expected her to be bigger. She weighed in at 6 lbs 10 oz, and 20 inches long.

My OB was having trouble delivering the placenta, and could only get it to come out in pieces. It just wouldn't detach, and my OB said we needed to do a D&C. They had an OR ready for me already since I was having my tubes tied immediately after the birth, so she got cleaned up and off we went. I hugged LaDonna & thanked her for being there for me, and off we went to the OR. The procedures were easy, and I actually ended up falling asleep a little while into it. They left my epidural in so I didn't have to go under general anesthesia. It took a little longer than I expected, and I was so ready to get back up to my room & see everyone. I got back up to my room around 6pm, and everyone came back in and I got to hold Taryn for the first time. It was so neat to finally hold her, she was so tiny and cute. She looked just like Little K. I couldn't believe how much dark hair she had, I just knew she'd be bald or have blonde hair like Little K. I looked at her little tiny hands and pulled out one of her little tiny feet. I love baby feet, they're my favorite! Her toes were so tiny, not even as big as Tic Tac's, lol. I felt such a huge feeling of accomplishment. I'd done my job, I'd gotten this little girl into this world safe & sound, and she was healthy. My job was done!

I'm so glad that I decided to be a surrogate. Every single day of morning sickness, heartburn, backaches, rib pain and exhaustion was SO worth it. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat! I'm so glad that K & J trusted me to carry their daughter, I feel very honored. They have been nothing but amazing. They & their families welcomed my family into their lives & were always so sweet to us. The whole experience was awesome, and I got just as much joy out of it as they did. My life is forever changed because of them, and Baby Taryn.

Close, but no cigar

Well, I really thought that yesterday was going to be the day, but no such luck! I started having contractions on Friday around 5pm, they started out slow but by 7 or 8pm, they were coming every 13-16 minutes. I started getting a little excited, thinking maybe this was it, but 2 hours later they weren't getting any closer. Then they got further apart, every 20-30 minutes. I went to bed and was woken up a few times by contractions, but they were still far apart. I contracted all day yesterday, anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes apart. Finally around 11pm, they stopped. I had one when I got out of bed this morning, but not another one since.

As frustrated as I am, I'm glad I get to enjoy my Sunday without contractions.

We're Having a Baby!

Well, Little Miss T has a birth date planned- December 7th, 2010! Unless of course she decides to come out on her own free will before then, that is.

The plan is to go in on Monday for one last OB appointment & make sure everything is still looking good, then report to labor & delivery at 5 a.m. (yikes!) to start the induction. I figure we'll have a baby somewhere around noon. Then I get to roll on over to the operating room & get my tubes tied, cut, burnt & sealed off! Yay!

At my appointment today my cervix was dilated a little bit more, and the baby is lower in my pelvis. My OB said she thinks I am very favorable for an induction & that it should go smoothly. *fingers crossed* I am just a tad bit nervous about being induced, but after weighing all the options & analyzing it to death, I think it really is the best option for everyone.

It's so weird to know that one week from now, this whole thing will be over & Baby T will here. It's been a fun ride, but I am more than ready to hand this little girl over to her parents.

Recent belly pictures

Here are a couple of recent belly pictures. The first one, 36 wks 3 days.

And 37wks 4 days.

37 Week Update

We had our 37 week appointment on the 23rd. I am now 2cm and 50% effaced, so my body is getting it together and doing exactly what it should be, woohoo! I've had a lot of contractions in the last week, so I'm glad they're actually doing something for me.

I had contractions last night for a couple of hours, and again tonight for about an hour, but they went away. I don't think I'll be going into actual labor anytime real soon though. If my cervix is continuing to change and look favorable, we'll be bringing up the topic of induction at our 39 week appointment on Dec. 6th. I'm hoping we can go to our appointment and she'll just send us right on up to L&D to get the show on the road. But we shall see! I don't want to go in for an induction with an unfavorable cervix, so it's all going to depend on what's going on at these next two appointments.

Appointment Update

We had our appointment yesterday. I'm 1cm dilated and a little bit effaced, so it looks like Baby T is hanging out a couple more weeks. We have another appointment on the 23rd, maybe more will be going on then.

I'm DONE!

Ok, I'm done. I give up! Everything hurts, I can't sleep, I'm breathing fire and this baby is trying to claw her way out. I'm ready for Baby T to be born anytime she feels she's ready. Well, she still needs about 10 more days in there to make it to "term". So in 10 days, I'm posting an eviction notice. She will have approximately 20 days to vacate the premises or she will be forcibly removed.

I forgot to mention on my last update, but we had an ultrasound done at our last appointment on Nov. 4. At 34wks 1 day, she measured 5lbs 2oz. And her head measured 36wks. Yikes!

Almost my turn

Well, the girls in my cycling group are starting to deliver. One of the girls & I transferred the same day so we had the same due date, only she was pregnant with twins. She delivered this evening! I'm so excited for her but at the same time it's really sinking in that it's going to be my turn before long. A week ago I wasn't ready, but I'm getting there.

My back is killing me. Mostly my lower back, because my belly is really pulling on it, but my upper back and hips hurt more often than not. It's hard to sleep at night, I wake up every hour or so because I'm either uncomfortable and need to roll over, or I have to pee. And these Braxton Hicks contractions are really annoying! We were walking around Target the other night and I was having them every 10 minutes so we hurried up and got out of there, and as soon as I sat in the car they stopped. Whew. But annoying nonetheless. I feel bad complaining, I know K would trade places with me in a heartbeat.

The good news is that being uncomfortable is making it much easier for me to look forward to delivery, haha! As much as I'm not looking forward to getting that epidural placed (that huge needle makes me woozy) I think I'd really like to have it now. I'd probably sleep better!

We have another appointment on the 18th, and I'll be 36 weeks! My mom is coming to my appointment with me so she finally gets to meet K&J :)

Getting Closer....

I was just going over my calendar & looking at what days I can schedule our next appointments for. We're going on the 4th, then we have to go back in two weeks so that would be the 18th. Then since I'll be 36 weeks, I'll have to come back a week later, except that's Thanksgiving day. I don't want to go any sooner than 7 days, and I sure don't want to go in on Black Friday, so I think waiting 10 days between appointments and going on Monday the 29th would be best. I clicked ahead into December and realized that the next Monday is the 6th, the day we'll most likely induce if I haven't gone into labor yet.

And then I almost threw up. I only have 3 appointments left before I deliver! Ohmygosh I'm not ready! A human is going to exit my body in a few short weeks, one way or another, and either way is going to hurt. Crap. Can I just stay pregnant forever???

Time for a game!

Guess when Baby Taryn will be here!!

http://www.expectnet.com/games/Baby_Taryn

Long overdue update!

Ack! I haven't updated in forever, sorry! I've meant to post an update several times over the last 3 weeks but haven't gotten around to it. Whoops! Let's see, what have we been up to...

We had our first false alarm trip to labor & delivery last week- how fun! Not really. I was having some low back pain that just didn't feel "right" and was contracting every 10-15 minutes so I called my OB said to come in. On the way there, the contractions spaced out and stopped. Of course! So I went on up anyway and they monitored me for an hour and then let me go. Taryn was not impressed by the monitors, and she kicked them the whole time, which made for a very uncomfortable hour for me. I had an OB appointment the next day, I just stayed the night at a hotel near the hospital. My OB checked me at my appointment and my cervix is 1cm and soft, but still long. She doesn't really think the contractions caused the dilation/softening, she thinks it's likely just because I've had two babies already. Oh, and I'd lost a pound at my weigh-in, so yay for that.

Last weekend, K and I had our birthing class! We met the day before and went for pedicures- which resulted in lots of laughs, and then went shopping, and out to eat at Olive Garden. We had birthing class the next day, all day long. It was kind of boring, and I was really hoping they'd focus more on breathing techniques, but mostly we just learned about the scary things. Epidurals, c-secions and episiotomies- OH MY! They passed around an epidural needle so we could see, and I thought I was going to pass out. That thing is as big around as my arm. I do NOT need to see that, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, it was interesting and we got another tour of the labor and delivery unit which was worth it.

This weekend was K & J's baby shower, which was unlike any baby shower that I've ever been to, but it was fun! Before the shower we had a 4D ultrasound, too. It was just as neat as it was scary. This girl has some big shoulders- and even bigger cheeks! I'm afraid she's going to come out like a linebacker. So even though I've lost a pound, it clearly has not affected her. I've thought all along that she might be the smallest baby I've carried, but now I'm thinking it may be just the opposite! And man, is she stubborn! She wouldn't move her hands or turn her face so we could get a clear shot of her face, she'd only give us the side, and only for a few seconds. The tech had me moving from side to side, drinking orange juice, sitting up and crowding her so she'd have to move- but she still wouldn't cooperate. If she's this stubborn IN the womb, I can't imagine how stubborn she'd going to be once she's OUT!

I think that's all of the exciting news I have to share. Our next appointment is Nov. 4th, then we'll have another 2 weeks after that, and then the appointments will be every week! I can't believe I'm 33 weeks already, it blows my mind. I'm really going to enjoy having my body back to myself, as I feel somewhat like I've been taken hostage, but I'm going to miss being pregnant. I'm just going to enjoy the last few weeks as much as I can- but between the constant peeing, the heartburn, acid reflux, and the sore ribs, I'm not sure how much enjoyment I'm going to get, ha!

And of course, a belly picture! 32 weeks (Major snuck in at the last second)

71 Days Left

Oh my! Only 71 days or less before Miss T makes her entrance into the world.

I was reading in "What to Expect" about the 30th week. It said that this week, I should notice the baby sleeping more. I laughed out loud. This baby did NOT get that memo. She is awake and kicking, punching, jabbing and rolling all the time, it seems like. As I sit here and type this, I am being head-butted in the bladder, I have a rump in my ribs, and a foot trying to come out of my belly button. My belly moves and shakes all over! The other night, I felt her start to shift positions and I looked down just in time to see what looked like her behind moving from the left side of my belly to the right side. She gets really rowdy when I lay down in bed for the night. Or for a nap. It's nearly impossible to fall asleep when a tiny human is river dancing on your internal organs, just FYI.

I'm enjoying the last few weeks I have with T, though. I know that after I deliver, I'll miss being kicked and punched when I'm trying to go to sleep. Well, it will probably take a few weeks for me to start missing that, haha. I'm getting anxious about the delivery, I hope everything goes smoothly and somewhat according to plan. We have another appointment tomorrow with my OB and I've got a list of questions to ask her. Hope she's ready!

29 Weeks

The Belly:

I was using my belly to rest my plate of brownies on.

Passed!

I passed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test! Yaaaaaay! I can go back to eating everything this little girl tells me to, ha!

Hello, Third Trimester!

I can't believe it! We're two-thirds of the way there! According to my "What To Expect" app, The Princess weighs about 2 and a half pounds, and is about 15 inches long from head to toe.

Our appointments are every 2 weeks now! Everything was looking great at the last appointment, I've gained five pounds total and my belly was measuring a week ahead! I had to take my glucose tolerance test, which I failed. I took the 3 hour test on Monday, and should have results from that tomorrow. We are all crossing our fingers that I pass, because if not, that means no more cheese fries, ice cream, and chocolate. And we just simply cannot have that.

K's friends and sister are going to be throwing her two baby showers in the coming month or two, and K has invited me to both. I am honored and overjoyed that she wants me present at her showers. I feel so lucky to have such an amazing IM! (And amazing IF, too!)

26 Weeks!

We're 26 weeks! Well, in about 90 minutes, anyway. Everything is still going great! T kicks a lot, mostly my ribs, and she seems to really enjoy kicking when I'm trying to sleep. My ribs are getting sore, but not unbearable yet. I've realized this week that I'm getting to that point in my pregnancy where I can't seem to get comfortable, and this results in really crappy sleep. I've been waking up quite a bit at night to either change positions or get up to pee (again. and again.) and it takes me a good 15 minutes to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep. And the heartburn, ohmygoshy'all. They say if you have heartburn, you'll have a hairy baby. If this is true, T is going to look like Chewbacca. I've pretty much run through every over the counter medication, so I'm starting back at square one with Tums & Zantac. So far, it's not working.

But I'm not complaining! I know K would give her right arm to be peeing every 5 minutes and burping acid, so I am not going to complain. I try to keep K & J updated on the little things, like T kicking a lot of what I'm craving these days (pasta, cheese fries, chocolate milk- just FYI) because I don't want them to miss anything. It won't be long until they'll be sending ME updates- haha!

Here's a picture of me at 25 weeks. Even laying down, my belly looks big! And as my mom so kindly pointed out, it's bigger than my head :)

Viability!

Today we're 24 weeks, which means that if Little Miss T were to be born right now, the chances are good that she'd survive outside of the womb. Of course, she better not even THINK about being born for at least another 12 or 14 weeks!

Where has the time gone?

We are 22 weeks already! I can't get over how fast this pregnancy is going. The days and weeks are just flying by! I feel bad for not updating more, but it's just so boring right now. I can't wait until we're about 36-37 weeks and things start to get exciting!

Little Miss T is kicking like crazy these days. She's found my ribs, and my bladder, and has been practicing her kick boxing. She plays games with me, too. She will kick and kick, until someone puts their hand on my belly to feel, then she stops. As soon as they take their hand off, she kicks again. I'm sure she's in there just laughing at us, haha.

It's already time to sign up for childbirth class, and K is going with me to be my birth partner. I'll have a doula (The Fabulous LaDonna) but it'll be fun to do birthing class with K. We're just doing a "weekend express" class, which will be from 9-5 on a Saturday in October. I can't wait!

Here some a couple of new pictures from the last two weeks.

22 weeks!

21 weeks- the view from above-

20 weeks!!

We're halfway there!! Oh my gosh! I can't believe that in 20 short weeks, Little Miss T will be in her mommy & daddy's arms.

I've been having some pain in my kidneys and after whining about it for 2 days, I finally went into see the doctor. It looks like I have a kidney infection, so I got a shot of antibiotics and hopefully I'll be all better shortly. The doctor wanted to get a quick peek at Miss T to make sure everything was ok, and she's doing great! Moving around like crazy, and she let us get some great shots of her beautiful little face!

The belly at 20 weeks:

And Little Miss T, 20 weeks & 1 day.

OB Appointment Today

We had our 19 week appointment today. Blood pressure was 112/56 (lowest it's been since I was 17, ha!), I lost a pound since the last appointment (double ha!), and the baby's heart rate was 154. The ultrasound report said that Little Miss T looks perfect, and they even noted how active she was! Everything is right on target, and it was really a pretty standard, boring appointment. I got another prescription for Zofran, since I am still having morning sickness, ugh. We go back in 4 weeks!

It's DEFINITELY a Girl!

Yaaaaay! It's official, we're growing a little Princess :) Our ultrasound was Monday afternoon, and she really put on a show for us, she was moving all over the place like crazy. She's measuring perfect- 2 days ahead actually, and all of her little bones and organs appear to be the right size and in the right place. K & J got some great pictures to take home, too.

17 weeks!

We'll be 17 weeks tomorrow, I can hardly believe it! This pregnancy seems to be whizzing by. Our big ultrasound is on Monday, and we're touring the other hospital beforehand. I'm ready to see how big this girl has gotten, and make sure she's still a girl, ha!

We went up to visit with K&J this weekend and had a great time. We got in on Saturday evening and went out for pizza and frozen yogurt, then Sunday morning we went to the Tulsa Zoo, then swimming at K's parents house (they have an AMAZING pool, I wish I could swim in it every day!) and then did some fireworks in front of K&J's house. Little K didn't like them at all, I felt terrible for her. Once it started to get dark, we went back to the hotel and watched the fireworks that were being shot off nearby. Major would yell "whooooaaaa!!!" and stomp his feet & clap his hands every time one went off, haha! It was hilarious. The next morning we went to Bass Pro while we waited for K & Little K to get through with vacation bible school, and then we all went to the Oklahoma Aquarium. The kids all had a great time, and even got to touch some sharks! We had a great time, and it's really nice to get to spend time with K&J. I can't get over how lucky I am to have found such an amazing family to help.

I can see her moving!

I thought I was going crazy when I looked down this afternoon and saw my belly moving. I've never seen a baby move this early. After I had ice cream after dinner, she was really moving a lot, so I took this video. She is so strong!

Ultrasound Update

We had our ultrasound yesterday! This is the belly:

And this is the baby:

Small baby for such a big belly, if you ask me. Oh well. Anyway, the ultrasound was great. The baby was moving all over the place, kicking and squirming around. Heart rate was 156bpm. This was the best shot of the face that we were able to get since she had her face pressed up against the placenta in the 4D images. And yes, I said she! My doctor told K&J not to paint the nursery pink just yet, but there definitely was not a penis anywhere to be found! We will have a longer, more detailed ultrasound sometime in the next few weeks, so we will know for sure then.

Sorry!

I didn't realize that it's been 2 weeks since I last updated. Sorry! I'm sitting here eating the peanut butter & jelly sandwich that I couldn't stop thinking about, so I thought I should update since I'm still up.

I've been feeling pretty good. I still have 'morning' sickness every day, a few times a day. It's annoying and I'm hoping it goes away soon. Thank goodness for Zofran! I've also got some killer heartburn, thanks mostly to the fact that this baby seems to mainly want mexican food. I can't pass a Taco Bell without stopping for nachos & a couple packets of fire sauce. I'm not a big fan of anything hot, but this baby definitely is. I still can't eat hamburgers or steak, though. I haven't been able to eat very much chocolate, either. I was craving chocolate cake the other night so I made one, took a few bites and haven't touched it since. Thankfully I have 2 boys here who didn't let it go to waste!

We have an appointment tomorrow with our OB, and another ultrasound. We're hoping to be able to see if this baby is a boy or a girl, too! (My money's on girl) We're meeting early for lunch with my friend and doula, LaDonna. Then after the appointment, hopefully some shopping! I need some more maternity clothes, for sure. Now that I'm in them full time, I'm realized that I don't have very many options.

Well, I'm done with my sandwich so I'm gonna try to go to bed now. I was in bed earlier, half asleep, when my eyes popped open and I was practically drooling thinking about a PB&J sandwich. Oh, the joys of pregnancy!

Feeling Movement

I can feel the baby moving! Yesterday I was sitting here in my chair and it felt like someone was pressing on my belly, but from the inside. My first thought was "what the heck is that?" but then I immediately realized that it was the baby stretching out. It felt so neat! I felt it a few more times, then again at dinner when I was eating salsa (I've been craving salsa for a couple of weeks) and some more before bed, and I can feel it right now. He/she is pretty strong, too!

Other than that, things are pretty boring right now. But boring is good, we like boring! I listen to the heartbeat almost every day with the doppler, and it's always in the high 160's and 170's. We have another ultrasound on the 22nd, and we'll hopefully be able to see the gender.

12 Weeks!

Oh. My. Gosh. I can't believe we made it to 12 weeks! It feels so great, I feel like I can finally relax and just enjoy the ride. I have been fairly optimistic about this pregnancy so far, but now I can really relax.

Up to this point, K & J have only told family and close friends about the surrogacy, but now that we're 12 weeks and everything is looking perfect, they're telling everyone when they get back from vacation. I am so excited!! I remember telling everyone about my own pregnancies, and how neat that was, so I'm really excited for them to be telling everyone and having everyone know they're expecting another baby.

I have been feeling really good lately. My morning sickness comes and goes, but it seems to have decreased over the last couple days. I've been exhausted, but that's because I was on vacation over the weekend. I thought vacations were supposed to be relaxing? Ugh. I need a vacation to recover from that vacation! But more than anything, I have been really happy. Like nothing can bring me down. I walk around with a big smile on my face all the time, and sometimes for no reason I will just giggle like some kind of maniac. I'm just so happy!

Appointment Update & Thoughts

We had our appointment today, and all is great! Baby was swimming around in there like crazy, moving all over the place, and his/her heart rate was 176. There is also no trace of any SCH, or anything else that concerns the doctor. She gave the go-ahead to go about my life as normal, woohoo! We got to see a 4D view of her/him, and it was so neat! You could clearly see the little face and arm, and it was just really neat. It actually looks like a tiny little human baby. Of course, it IS a tiny little human baby, but I guess that I still expected it too look somewhat alien-like.

I got to thinking a while ago, about how much I took my own pregnancies for granted. When we have ultrasounds done for this pregnancy, I hold my breath each time until we see the heartbeat. I never did that with my own children. I always just expected to hear/see the heartbeat. I never thought I'd go into labor early and have my baby stay in the NICU while I went home, and now that is one of my biggest fears. It never really occurred to me that all pregnancies are not as easy and care-free as my two were, until recently. After seeing what some people go through to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and bring a healthy baby home, it really changes your perspective about things.

I'm definitely more cautious with this pregnancy than I was with my own. I don't know if that's because this baby isn't mine, or if it's because of the thousands of dollars is took to actually GET me pregnant, or because of the horrible bleeding-to-death scare we had a few weeks ago... I'm sure it's a combination of all of those things! With my own pregnancies, I was careful, sure- but not over-the-top careful like I am now. I second-guess everything I do or think about doing. Things that I know really are OK, things I never would have thought twice about if this child were mine. It's such an odd feeling, really. For example, I needed a cavity filled last week. With my own, never thought twice about it. The doctor and dentist said it was OK, and that was all I needed to hear. This time though, I spent an hour Googling and reading about the effects of x-rays, novacaine, even the stuff they use to fill the cavity. Turns out it's 100% safe, which I knew already, I just wanted to make double sure. I would feel terrible if anything that I did, caused something to go wrong. The fact that this baby does not belong to me changes everything.

When I was pregnant with own children, by this point I was already planning what color to paint the bedroom walls. What kind of bedding to buy, whether to bottle feed or breastfeed, picking out names... This time, I don't have to do any of that. And ohmygawd, it is relaxing!! I don't have to stress about which kind of bottles will or won't give the baby gas, or whether to buy Huggies or Pampers. I really don't have to do anything except gestate.

Continuing that thought, my mentality is entirely different this time around than it was when I was pregnant with my own children. I never really thought I would become "attached" to this baby to the point where I'd want to keep it. But I'm sure that for every first-time surrogate, there is that tiny, tiny little wonder in the back of your mind. Because really, we've never done this before. We can never predict how we will feel with a situation that's foreign to us. I would never in a million years want to keep this child, but a tiny part of me wondered if I might get attached to the point where I would love the baby, and be sad to see her go home with her parents. And 11 weeks in, I can honestly say that I don't feel any of that at all. Which is a good thing, of course! But when you're pregnant with your own child, you feel an immediate love for that child, even when it's microscopic and doesn't have a beating heart yet. That is your baby, and you love it. I don't have that. I still feel like I have to protect this baby, the same as any mother feels, but that whole feeling of 'I-love-this-baby-more-than-life-itself' isn't there. I guess it's neither a good nor bad thing, just an observation, really. And I know that K has that feeling for this baby, yet she can't really do much except watch me walk around with her baby in my belly and pray that I keep it safe. I can't imagine what a helpless feeling that is. I can honestly say that if I were infertile, and surrogacy was the only way for me to have a child, I'm not sure I could do it. I'm not sure I could trust someone else to keep my child safe for me the way I would if I could do it myself. Everyone always says how wonderful and brave surrogates are, and I think that the actual parents deserve just as much credit for being brave. I don't even trust someone who isn't family to babysit my 3 year old, and K trusts me enough to let me gestate her child. I don't think I could do it, but I'm so glad that she and J have trusted me with this most awesome task. It is such an honor, I can't fully put into words all the mushy feelings it makes me have, but any surrogate reading this will know exactly what I mean.

Okay, that's enough thinking for me. I need to be in bed, getting my beauty sleep before setting off on my vacation tomorrow!

DONE!

I just took my last Crinone and Prometrium!! And I took off my estrogen patch!! What an awesome milestone, I can't believe it's gotten here so fast. I remember back in February when I got my protocol sheet, and saw that I'd need to be on Crinone, Prometrium and Vivelle patches until 11 weeks, it seemed like such a long, long time. It flew by so fast though.

I bought a doppler, so that I can listen to the heartbeat any time I want. It came with a cord so that I can plug it into my computer, record it and e-mail it to K & J! How cool is that? So now I have to figure out how to record on this computer, ha! Maybe I'll have that figured out sometime before 40 weeks. I hope.

We have another ultrasound on Thursday, I'm looking forward to seeing the little bean and how much he/she has grown. I Googled pictures of ultrasounds at 11 weeks, just to get an idea of what the baby will look like, and it looks like a REAL BABY. Holy cow. It's amazing how fast they grow in the beginning. A few short weeks ago, this baby was the size of a pea, and didn't even have arms and legs. And now it's the size of a lime, and will DOUBLE in size this week (according to my Baby Bump app). Crazy!

Oh, and I was informed this past weekend that K's dad reads my blog, and is keeping an eye on me! So, this one's just for him.... HOOK 'EM!! ;)

One Quarter

Today, the bean is 10 weeks along. And that mean's we're one quarter of the way there! Also, one week from today, I get to stop my meds, yay! I'm feeling good about the pregnancy so far, but I'll feel better once we reach 12 weeks. I'm still a little nervous because of the bleeding I had, but as each day passes without anymore, I breathe just a little bit easier. Really, when we have the ultrasound on the 27th, I'll breathe a lot easier. I can't wait to see the bean kicking away in there!

I've finally gotten my appetite back, but my morning (all day) sickness has kicked into high gear. My OB gave me a prescription for Reglan, but it does absolutely nothing for it, ugh. However, Chris has had some sympathetic morning (all day) sickness, and the Reglan is working great for him. I'll ask my OB on the 27th for some Zofran. I know that works for me! I'm glad my appetite is back though. I'm going on vacation over Memorial Day weekend to the beach, and I would be crushed if I couldn't eat fresh calamari!

I'm getting so excited for this weekend. We're going to spend the weekend with K&J, and go to Little K's birthday party. I had a tutu made just for her, in her favorite colors, and I really hope she likes it. I think she will :)

Great News!

We had an ultrasound today, and everything looked great!! The baby's heart rate was 176, and he/she is measuring at 8 weeks 3 days gestation (we're 8w5d) so it's pretty darn close. There also no SCH to be found. She said that it was possible that I may have bled it out. So, for now at least, everything is fine!

I still have to take it easy, but she said there's no reason why I can't go on my vacation in 3 weeks. Yaaaaay!

Scary Night

On Thursday, at about 6:45pm, I started bleeding. Gushing is a more accurate term. I drove myself to the ER and waited 5 hours before they ever did an ultrasound. I was holding my breath, prepared to hear the worst, and the tech said "I see a heartbeat!" She turned on the sound, and there it was, beating away! I was so relieved, I just started crying. There is an SCH (subchorionic hemorrhage) in my uterus though. They are usually not a big deal, some never even bleed out, and they disappear. I read online that 1 to 3% of SCH's cause a miscarriage. Also, mine is "pretty small" according to the ultrasound tech, so that's good. I have an appointment at 1:30 on Monday with my OB for another ultrasound and hopefully we'll have some more information then.

For now, I'm just taking it easy. No heavy lifting, no strenuous activities, etc. I haven't done much since I got home, mostly just sat in the recliner. I'm afraid to do anything that might cause me to bleed like that again. That was definitely one of the scariest moments in my life. I've never seen anything like that. I honestly didn't think I could bleed that much and the baby would still be ok. I'm so glad that he/she is just fine!

Quick Update

We had another appointment on April 30th. Baby's heart rate was 141 and he/she is measuring perfect. My uterus is also HUGE, which makes me feel a little better about *looking* so huge, haha. I thought it was all the Oreo's.

My OB told me to try Prilosec for my heartburn and it's already helping, thank goodness. I also got a prescription for chewable prenatal vitamins, because the ones I was taking before were making me sick.